Our boy's were invited by their grandparent's to go to a festival for Halloween. The festival started around bed time so there was no way Abigail and I could join. Girl loves her sleep. For a few weeks I had been envisioning trick or treating with my 3...boy's would be firemen, Abi a rescue dalmatian puppy and i would figure some sort of house on fire outfit for myself and of course make the stroller into a fire truck! I had a choice to make. I decided to tell the boy's what a festival was and ask which one they would like to go to. Hands down go with Granny and Grand Dad. "Even though Mommy won't be with you?" "Oh, we can handle it Mom," Say's my almost 5 but still in my eyes Baby Troy. I made the plans. It all worked out great Paul's brother came over for dinner and we got to catch up, Abigail was a complete nut enjoying the attention of 3 adults to her one tiny self.
I just have to say something different happened in my heart once the boy's were loaded up and drove away. I needed to take our dog out and as I walked the yard in the cold rain I began to cry. I was so pleased that they were off to have fun and I would much rather have dinner with Adam and Paul but there was this pain of "missing it." Missing a first in there little lives as they hadn't been to a festival before. So I called my Mom and cried and laughed at myself crying. She was very comforting. Duke and I came back in and had a wonderful evening with the grown ups.
It was such a blessing to send them off to a great night that didn't involve any work on my part and to have an easier load at home with only one kid. It was also so hard to send them off with out me. This was a Festival for 3 hours! Don't even talk to me about dating or college or a mission trip! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
The one thing I come away from my emotional roller coaster of that night is, man I am so blessed. I love these 3 crazies so deeply. There are going to be so many more first's in there lives that Mommy is not going to be apart of and shouldn't be apart of. This just reminds me to make sure that in the little year when our 3 require so much of me that I keep my man my first priority. My husband is the one that I am one flesh with. One day the babies with grow and go their separate ways and Paul and I will remain. I want to make sure that no matter how much being Mommy requires of me that I guard having enough set aside to pour into my marriage.
While reading this oh how my heart was breaking along with you! Although I complain (so many times) about not having time to myself as a SHM, I HATE missing thing with the kids. Especially the special memory making moments! I have had to make that choice a few times. It can be even more heartbreaking when THEY make the choice that does not include you (been there, had that breakdown)! I am so glad you found the blessing in the situation!
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