How Do I NOT Suffer?

     If you have been following along with our little life you know that we have faced trials that for us have been extremely hard.  Paul was blessed with what we have been longing for and begging the Lord for.  He got a full time fire job!  He gets to do what he loves and feels called to and get paid for it!  When he goes to work now there is a lightness of heart for both of us because he is doing what he loves.  The contrast of this to getting up at 4 am. 6-7 days a week to do a job he hated is stark indeed.

       We are beyond blessed.  Everything is better.  From big things like we can know each month that there is enough money to pay the bills to having Paul being home 2 out of every 3 days.  There are little things like I have gotten to start running again because he his home some mornings!  I was telling Paul the other day that I love it when he is home and I love it when he is gone!  This is a style of life that we wanted and we got it!

     So you would think that when my friends and family ask me how is it going my responds would be its AMAZING!  It is but I have to confess I have also STRUGGLED!  A week into our new life I was crying my eyes out telling the Lord, "How in the world can such a massive blessing require so much surrender and trust to live out!"  I think the answer is that He isn't done with me.  Just because we have this season of ease and wonderful doesn't mean that God has stopped conforming me to His image.

     Paul has been a fire fighter for about 6 weeks now.  The thing that has been most challenging for me is that with out realizing it I had place some of my identity in being the girl who could "suffer well."  Through job loss after job loss and even homelessness I fought hard to stay in God's word and use our suffering as a plat form to proclaim that God is good even in the midst of suffering.  I did truly learn to be content with being abased.  But in the scripture when Paul talks about contentment he says he learned to be abased and to abound.  My greatest discomfort with our new state of "abounding" is that my interaction with my precious Lord seemed to change.  Prone to wander Lord I feel it prone to leave the God I love!  Seriously!  The moment I don't have suffering launching me into my Lord's arms I get discontent and don't want to talk to Him or read His word!  Sheesh.
   
     As ridiculous as this sounds after conversations with others I know I am not alone in this struggle. So what do we do with it.  We press on.  Weather we feel like it or not.  My emotions are ever changing and constantly bullying me into depression.  So depressed or not I have continued to get up and read the word and try to pray.  I have not done it every morning and have been so sad over my lack of desire to do it.  So I asked God to fix my want to.  When I read in Ps. 42 about the deer panting for the water like my soul pants for God...ahhhhh not me!  So fix me God, make me thirsty!
    There is no formula just a life time reality and need to press on.  This was the first morning I felt like I have hear from the Lord on my own in my sweet spot in the quiet of the morning!  6 WEEKS! That was a long time for me!  I probably could have been shorter but I will rejoice in the grace and keep pressing on!

     So how about you? What do you do in the "Dry" times?  Do you throw your hands up and set your bible aside?  I did many days.  Or do you ask God to make you thirsty? He will! We are in this together.  Dry season are going to happen but He is not far from you. You may need to tell your soul what to do instead of let your emotions push you around!

Ps.42