7 And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
It might be my fallen nature, or the "what do you have to show for yourself" culture, or simple pride. I have always felt this tension to be better, do better and feel/ look like I have my act together. Well whatever the root of it is and I suspect its a little of all of the above, to live with pride and self-righteousness as the force for motion in you life is exhausting! Do you get a lot done? Sure, but at what cost? For me the cost has been that tasks became more important than the people and a sneaky air of judginess. If you are constantly evaluating yourself against an unbiblical standard then you naturally evaluate others without even trying.
I was recently challenged with the question is it OK to be weak? I heard the story of a woman facing trials that I couldn't imagine and the place of growth she had come to was being content with her weakness. That went against every grain in my being. How is weak better and growth. Well, the Lord used the my painting once again to show me.
About a year ago I got to start something new. Really, the Lord started it and I have hung on for dear life. I paint scripture on canvas. I am naturally creative so that is a good fit but I am not naturally a good speller. So God has called me to do something I am terrible at on purpose. I often ask Him, "why me?" "Why in the world are You having me do this when I know a handful of people who are just as creative and can spell properly with out giving it a second thought." The answer. I want you to need Me.
My whole life growing up as the good little girl I never really grasped my NEED for Jesus in the everyday of it all. There are two things in my life that I spend the most hours doing. Parenting and Painting. These are also the areas that I feel the most incredibly inadequate in. I used to just feel stupid about this until God showed me not only is it OK to be weak but He prefers it. When we are weak then we are more aware of His strength. We are tuned into paying attention to His mighty work in our lives because we are desperate for it. I have always been weak. Its not like this is new but now I am enjoying it more.
I don't enjoy it everyday every moment as it can be quite frustrating to the plans I have. You know the those plans I make with out checking in with the Lord first. It is still aggravating when I have to try several times to not miss spell on a single canvas or I'm so overwhelmed with the management end of running a home, and educating our kids I just stop and cry. My kids recently called me the "Village Cryer" like an town announcer but they meant Mom you cry a lot. lol. More and more I am resting in my weakness. God's grace is sufficient for our needs great and small but we forfeit it when we intentionally push Him away by functioning in our own strength. Something I am learning to say right away when my heart gets crunchy is "I'm wrong." As soon as those words come out of my mouth I am flooded with grace and mercy to see how and why I'm wrong and am empowered to do something about it. Life is far from perfect but that isn't the goal anymore.
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| This is one of my more overwhelmed with life faces...I like to get them all. |
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| Parents vs. Kids! Sweet Memories |
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| painting lately. |
