HIS LITTLE ONES

     So this is by no means a new concept but man it hit me like a Mac Truck today.  I am a "co-steward" over our children.  Even typing out the that title makes me feel a little squirmy and out of the control I tend to love to dearly.  God is the creator of life.  God made our babies.  He hand picked them to be in our family.  He intends to use Paul and I know matter how broken and flawed we are to invest our very best understanding of Him into their little hearts.  I am sure He also plans to un-teach and redeem in the areas we have and will continue to screw up their thinking about who He is. 
    This morning my usually bouncy Abigail slept in.  I love it when she does that!  Finally around 8:30am. she began to stir but not sing or scream her usual.  I went in, turned the light on and fully expected her to pop up from snuggling her favorite crocheted blanket and either talk my ear off or make it clear that she was hungry.  Neither happened.  It was such a stark contrast to our everyday that its stopped me in my tracks.  It is a good thing I had just been studying 1 John 4:18 that speaks on fear and love and how there is torment in fear and that perfect love cast away fear.  I instantly thought what if she has cancer.  That may seem an extreme thought but I just read a blog (http://izzystory.com/) about an amazing Christian Mom and their journey with their little one having cancer.  So, back to my attention getting moment with Abi, she never did stand up. She didn't talk as I changed her or all through breakfast.  I was seriously concerned.  She ended up having a mellow day.  I was so strange.  Also, during lunch prep Bear fell off the stool (2 ft.) straight onto the back of his head, hitting the new tile floor.  I could feel the bump through the ice pack growing larger and larger as I comforted him.  I think they will both make it.  Resilient little things these kiddos! 

HIS HAYDEN BARUCH "BEAR" O'BRIEN

HIS CAITLYNN ABIGAIL O'BRIEN

HIS THEOPHILUS TROY O'BRIEN

     Our friend Heather came over to drop off what was the equivalent to Christmas morning at age 7!  That Christmas I got these kid work out tapes and leg warmers!  A CAMERA!!! That's what Heather brought, not leg warmers!  Abigail had just dunked our camera in the sink and Heather was so generous to give us one of hers!  As we were talking she touched on the subject of us not owning our kids and them belonging to God.  As she spoke this truth in our kitchen I realized I don't often acknowledge this truth. ( I mean of course their ours but first God's then ours.)  I am usually wrapped up in running their little lives.  Our desire is to glorify God in how we raise them but keeping this concept of ownership at the for front of my mind has already been relieving.  Its relieving because I sometimes get trapped in thinking that their behavior is a direct result of my success or failure as a parent.  This is actually not completely true.  There is a component forgotten in this train of thought.  God is at work.  I am called to to teach and train in truth and love but God is the changer of hearts.  When I remember that they are His first then I can rest easier.  I know my God, I know His great love and He is lavishing it on the little ones we get to guide for a season.  All we have to do is be faithful with this greatest of callings and the fruit, glory and out come can be trusted to the One who created them. 
      After today I have a deeper reverence and respect for the work that is God's to do in the hearts of the little ones I love most.  He is faithful, He calls us to parent faithfully. The fruit is to His glory and our enjoyment. 

PIG TAILS

     I just purchased colorful little hair ties for my baby for the first time in my 5 years of being a parent. Abigail's hair is in that terrible mullet stage that I swore I wouldn't let happen.  I am finding there is really no way around it unless your girlie was born with tons of hair which surprisingly ours was not. So pig tails it it!

Took a picture of the moment! 

    It matters to me that my kids look presentable.  Not one of life's most important or noble quest but it matters to us all the same.  Its something I want to put the effort into training and teaching even if style and fashion is ever changing.  I want to teach the basics of looking put together.  Abigail is in "hair training" right now.  I know that down the line when she does have more hair we will probably want to have it pulled back in some way when we leave the house.  I'd like to avoid bangs but I am done with saying "I never."  I have now started taking her to the bathroom and letting her sit on the sink and watch me do her hair.  This is where it hit me.  Today I was trying so hard to get her tiny sprout of hair into that tiny little hair band.  It is so new for me to do baby hair because she hasn't had any yet and you don't put hair ties on a buzzed boy head.   This particular time I had to start over 2 or 3 times.  Abi just sat there.  I caught the look on her face in the mirror.  Almost as to say, "oh Mom, could you just get it this time cause that kind of hurts."  She was so gracious in her behavior towards me.  No screaming, no grabbing at what I was trying to do for her.
     As I receive her grace and pressed on in my endeavor to get that stinken' pig tail right I was over whelled with God's call on me to bear with others.  I have experienced times in life when some one else is trying to do or say  something for my benefit but its just came out wrong or unclear.  There is a choice to make at that moment.  Am I going to believe the best in that person, remembering their usual heart towards me or am I going to get offended.
     The more impressed I get with the Gospel. By Gospel I mean Christ dieing in my place so that I don't have to experience the wrath of God that I deserve for my sin.  You know, if I surrender to Christ and accept His gracious gift I get my greatest problem in life fix, handled and removed!  Separation from God!   Oh, I am filled with gratitude as I type that out!  So, all that to say, the more impressed I am with the Gospel the less impressed I am with myself. Not an unhealthy unimpressed with myself but a humble right standing with God unimpressed with myself. As my focus has shifted away from how great I think I am am and towards God's goodness I am not as quick to be offended. Not being offend easily is still a work in progress for me but man, the times I'm not easily offended I have so much more fun in general.  I can be blessed by someones intention to love me even if it doesn't fit in to my box of how i would prefer to be loved.  This is a form of bearing with others! 
    Yay for life lessons with Pig Tails!

Me and my girl!

LOVE IS:

     I feel like I have been through a boot camp of sorts.  My idea of love has been broken down once again and build back up with the standard of God's word.  We learn so much about what love is in 1 Cor. 13.  We hear this scripture quoted in wedding most often. Which is especially wonderful because in my experience there is no one on earth I gotten to learn how to love God's way more than my wonderful man.
     So with out going into needless detail my man and I had some struggles this week and I was challenged by a wise woman about my understanding of love.  What is a normal attitude of love.  I was so blessed by these useful words and description of 1 Cor. 13.  I wanted to pass them on.  Ps. Paul and I worked through the struggles and have come out the other end more unified.

LOVE IS:

Love is passive. Waiting to begin. Looking forward to how God is going to take my obedience and do what He wants. This brings freedom from emotions.

Love is not in a hurry.

Love is Calm.

Love is ready to do its work when the summons comes.

Love suffers long, by obeying God in the same direction for a long time.

Love Bears all things not by white knuckling but goes with the discomfort and looks for how God will use it.

Love Believes all things about Jesus and God and doesn’t worship a formula. Believes God is holy and just and will use it for His glory.

Love hopes all things in Jesus. He has paid the price and that is where we hope.

Love understands and therefore waits. Understands God is holy and just and good. He loves me to discipline me to get me ready for continued kingdom work.

Love keeps its gaze on Jesus instead of what it wants. 

BODY IMAGE

     Oh the body issue.  I have to be honest I really didn't want to write on this one.  I have been saying, "maybe later Lord" for a few weeks.  So instead I will jump right in.

11 years old- Sixth Grade

     I have struggled over having a right perspective about my body since I was 11 years old.  I hadn't given a single thought to what my body looked like until the day I was molested.  I was told by the man that molested me for an entire day, "You need to be careful you are so beautiful people will want to hurt you."  I came away from the experience not understanding why Jesus didn't save me and had a deep seeded desire to never be beautiful. This happened a week before my sixth grade graduation.

Sixth Grade Graduation

     As I have chosen to live my life with God, He has graciously taken me through several times of healing over lies that were planted in the tender ground of my 11 year old heart.   He has pulled out weed after weed so that His word, His truth can grow in my heart and I can live a fruitful life today.  It wasn't until well into my adult years that God showed me the root of some of my wrong thinking about my body and beauty in general.  I believed in my teen years that beauty was value.  I didn't really get the whole gentle and quiet spirit being valuable to God and sooooooooooo much more important. More important than hoping my boobs would get bigger and that I would stay skinny forever.  I didn't stay skinny forever.  I was very thin until I got a license and found Starbucks!  I had now idea what good nutrition was and why I would eat in secret when I was upset.  I was upset much in my teen years.  On the outside I may have been apart of the "in crowd" and looked like I was happy. On the inside I felt worthless, unloved, not funny enough and never able to be myself.  I didn't actually know who "myself" was I just knew I wasn't comfortable in my own skin.  My senior year of high school I started to desire to really fallow Jesus for myself. 

Senior Year
Not just because my parents were Christians and I grew up in the church.  I started to see a difference in what I would hear Miles (my pastor at the time) teach on Sunday nights and how my friends and I would act every other day of the week.  I made a choice.  I didn't know what following God really looked like but I wanted to do it and I sat my two best friends down and said lets do this thing for real.  I lost one friend as a result and the other just got really busy the summer after graduation.  I was so lonely.  I began to eat over anything that brought discomfort.  I wanted to fallow God and began to but there was so much unrest in my heart and I would go to food to comfort myself.  I noticed I was gaining weight but so didn't know how to reverse it.  I would go to the gym and work out and then eat something horrible or curb my eating but not work out.  By the second year of my marriage (age 25) I had some good education under my belt on nutrition.   I would still struggle with sabotage myself.  I would work so hard at making good choices and then throw it all away.  One day while visiting my family in SD God spoke to my heart.  It hit me like a Mac Truck!  I was so fearful of every "being beautiful" that I wouldn't let myself succeed at being healthy.  If I eat healthy food and worked out the end result would always be a more attractive body.  I wanted a more attractive body to the point that it was an idol in my life but when I came down to it I also didn't want a more attractive body because I didn't want to be "beautiful because people would want to hurt me." 

     God has weeded that lie right out of my heart.  I know the truth now.  Now I am just a regular girl with the  self-control issues like any other!  Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit.  I have the Spirit in me and all the self-control I could desire I just don't use it all the time.  I think functioning in the lack of self-control to make sure I never became beautiful became a major habit that I still fight to break to this day. 
     I press on and battle on.  God continues to show me areas that need to change in my thinking that effect my eating habits.  I recently received more healing in this area at small group.  I was walking in pride thinking I "should" be strong enough to have deserts around the house and not eat all of them in one sitting.  Over and over I found I am not strong enough to have that stuff around.  I didn't want to be desperate for Jesus in this area.  I wanted to figure out the root of the problem, chop it off and move on.  Often healing and growth don't go just how we want it to.  I studied much on what Paul the Apostle said about the thorn in his flesh.  How he asked God to take it and God said no my grace is sufficient for you.  From my studies I am pretty certain that Paul had a chronic physical ailment that he was asking for healing on. Though struggles with eating isn't a sickness, how stinken' chronic is the need to eat! Its an all day every day thing!  So that scripture is totally applicable.  I found in it the truth, that it is beautiful to be desperate for Jesus about any  life issue.  Desperation for Him is NEVER a bad thing!  I wrote a study on it. You can click on this link to read it. DESPERATE 
     I still struggle daily with this life issue but I have some good accountability set up and I am noticing that I struggle less and less! I am eating healthier than I ever have. I work out 2-3 days a week and the results are the Lords. I feel beautiful and comfortable in my skin just as it is. I would love to loose more weight and be tone and stronger but my focus is not so zoned in on the results. I am making better choices because I love Jesus. I am desperate for Him and so thankful that He is helping me.
     There is so much more that can be said on this topic. I hear there are girls out there that have never struggled in this area! I have yet to meat one. So if you do have a struggle in this area, let me encourage you to ask the Lord what is the root of if and be desperate for Him. He will help us over come and live healthy. 

Me Today! Pressing On! 

     

GAZE

    So I aloud myself some time to process and sing and let God minister to me beyond my time before the kids got up.  Abi hung with me and the boys emptied the dishwasher of dirty dishes, put them all away (oops, initiative gone wrong) and watched a movie.
    We did not get the job and God gave me the song I shared in my last Post.  Often from paper to music words change but God gave me a new song! It has been years! This song isn't just about God saying no to this job. It is about how do we handle Him saying no to us at all. I have tried it both ways. I have done the angry and asking why! To no one in my homes benefit and I am doing it with meekness this time. By God's grace! I don't think that asking why is nessarily wrong...its a heart matter. How are we asking why and to what end. God gives me songs for me. To "broken record" truths into my heart when I need them most. I share them because I am confident that I am not the only one struggling with these life issues. I pray you are blessed, challenge, or healed with this. What ever God has in store for you.
I sing of turning my gaze from God's hand (what I want Him to give me) to His face (just Him). I am finding that life is not getting easier. I just NEED Him. I want circumstances to be better but I NEED Him.
Ah, no make up, no editing and baby in the back round...real life mom worshiping Jesus.

GAZE

What do I do with paralysis of soul
I was confident of yes but You said no
So now I grapple with Your will 
Am I to believe that You love me still

Yes or no turn my gaze 
From Your hand and to Your face

Maker of good and glory
Even when You put no in my story
How I long to ask the why 
But this time I choose silence for Your glory

Yes or no turn my gaze 
From Your hand to Your face

Disappointment cracks my heart 
You wrap me with Yourself
My world is torn apart
You bind me with Yourself 

TURN MY GAZE

     There are times in my life that I can not express myself accept in song. I can not grieve a loss accept to state it plainly and worship God in it. My favorite songs are usually born from a place to desperation and no other way to express my heart. Not getting the fire job, this time, this job was a bigger deal than just a job. We don't know that we can continue with this dream as Paul can not physically do the 50 hours a week at Mazak and volunteer. We didn't view this job as our salvation and were careful not to allow it to become an idol. We know God has a plan but we were all in and He said No. We will press on. We will seek to obey what ever God has next for us. We are praying for wisdom.

What do I do with disappointment so deep it paralyzes my every emotion
What do I do when I am confident You will say "yes" and You don't
What do I do when I know You are ordering and allowing it to crumble

Yes or No
I will turn my gaze from Your HAND and simple to Your FACE
I will long for nothing more beyond your calming, warm embrace
Its easier to ask for things than to ask for You
Sometimes a yes can substitute my desperate need for You

Disappointment cracks my heart
You bind me with Yourself
Hope is not for later or fix the broken heart
Hope is who You are and you died to give Yourself

I yearn to ask all about the why the when's the how's
I will stop instead to live in You
I lay me down

If I believe You are the maker of good and glory
then You are to be trusted when You place a No in my story
Jesus I believe You are the maker of good and glory
I will trust you now with this No in our story

Yes or No

I will turn my gaze from Your HAND and simple to Your FACE

I will long for nothing more beyond your calming, warm embrace

Its easier to ask for things than to ask for You

Sometimes a yes can substitute my desperate need for You 

DIVIDED HEART.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit , and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. Galatians 5:16-17

     We experience this in our home daily...hourly and some times moment by moment! Between the 5 of us there is a good chance that someone is "in the flesh"or having a bad attitude.  There are those wonderful moments of play were we are having family wrestles and for a moment everyone is smiling and having a blast...and then some one wacks someone else in the face and the training begins!  Conflict resolution is called "doing business" in our home.  We do a lot of business....kid to kid, parent to kid, and parent to parent! 

     Where does it all come from?  SIN!  For those of us that have trusted Christ with our lives and hearts there is a battle going on all the time.  Are we going to walk in the newness Christ has given us through salvation?  Living out the fruit of the Holy Spirit in us?  Love, peach joy, self- control and so on.  Or are we going to function as the old person not saved by grace?  Walking in the "flesh," a self-centered existence. 

      Our oldest Troy has been really struggling this last week.  Paul has been working his regular hours and then going to the old house to get it rent ready each eventing.  When we have weeks that the kids don't get the Dad time they desire there is a shift in behavior.  Everyone is more sensitive and a touch quicker to meltdowns.  At nap time yesterday we ran into this lack of Dad behavior in Troy.  I laid down with him and said "let talk. "  "What is going on in your heart right now?"  "I don't know."  Isn't that the truth!  So often I find myself asking my kids a question that they don't know themselves enough to know how to answer me.  He didn't know what was wrong.  He doesn't totally get this battle going on in his heart between the flesh and the spirit (Troy has accepted Christ).  "Mom, I need my heart to be cleaned!  It is just so dirty.  I feel so angry.  I don't really know what I am thinking I am just mad that I don't get my Dad!"  We prayed.  Troy asked God why he doesn't get his Dad and asked Him to clean his heart so he could be happy.  As he prayed I asked the Lord to show me a way to teach him what is going on inside him in terms that are on his level and  in line with Galatians 5. 

     This morning we had some bad attitude BEFORE BREAKFAST!  I sent my little man Tory to his room got the others set up with their food.  As I walked down the hall I was asking the Lord what the feel of the correction needs to be.  We have done a lot of firm lately.  I felt like gentle and instructive was the theme.  I climbed up on the top bunk with him.  He had calmed and handed me his puppy to snuggle.  I asked him again.  What is going on?  Again he didn't know how to answer...."Oh shoot Lord I am doing it again.  Show me how to ask him questions that help him understand himself better." "Troy, do you sometimes feel crazy in your heart?"  "Yes."  "Does the crazy happen a lot before you make a bad choice?"  "Yes!"  "May I teach you what is happening?"  "Yeah."  "Well, I know a little about this because I still feel crazy in my heart before I make bad choices too.  The Bible teaches us that there is a battle going on in our hearts.  A WAR!"  This peek his interest as he is all boy!  " We have to parts to our heart."  I made half a heart with one hand and explained.  "This half of our hearts loves Jesus, it knows the truth and loves to make good choices."  Keeping that half shown and making the other hand into the other half of the heart I said, "This half of our heart is super yucky.  It doesn't want to obey Jesus.  It just wants to be selfish and all about it self."  I then put my hands together to form a heart.  "This is your heart.  One half loves Jesus and the other half just loves yourself.  They are constantly fighting.  (I then punched my fist together) Your heart has a battle going on.  The side that will win is up to you.  Which side do you want to win?"  He pointed to the side that loves Jesus.  "You know how you make it stronger that the other half...you keep talking to Jesus when you are upset and happy, you go to church and learn more about Jesus and you obey Mom and Dad because we teach you how to live a wonderful life."  We proceeded to punch our fists together and play heart battle!  He got it! The lights turned on!  I said, "Would you like to pray about those sides of your heart?" Also I taught him that the Bible calls the sides flesh and spirit. 

Troy: Jesus, please make my, whats this side again Mom? 
Me:The Spirit. 
Troy: Oh yeah the Spirit stronger so it can beat up the...what's this side again Mom
Me:  the flesh
Troy: so it can beat up the flesh, beat it up so much it can never get up and make me angry! AMEN

     The best part about teaching is that You usually have to learn it before you can teach it.  Desiring to teach him this has called my attention back to the battle going on in my own heart constantly. Oh how I desire to walk in the Spirit and be that example to my little ones. 

OBESITY.

     OK, I am jumping right into a subject that can be a touch in the sensitive zone.  Let me start with I have had major struggles with weight and body image.  God has healed much of it but I am still very much on my face with Him when it comes to self- control with food.  Even though being over weight has been a struggle for me and even some that I love with all my heart it is something that Troy asked about and its an issue like any other. If we don't teach our kids about it the world will.
     Growing up in our home I don't think Troy has ever heard us talk about "fat people" or even use the term "fat." I know this because just recently he heard his cousin use the term and came and asked me, "what does fat mean."

Ci Ci Pizza trip in the summer. Its the last pizza picture I
have.

     The teaching came about during our move. We were out of our minds tired one evening and had no food to feed our kid's.  Paul and I decided we were going to Ci Ci's Pizza.  A family favorite and treat. As dinner was just about over a larger man walked past our table.  "Dad! That guy has a huge tummy! and he isn't even covering it with his shirt, that is not appropriate."  We of course hoped the man didn't hear him and began to teach quietly in our booth.  "Troy, you are right it is immodest not to cover your tummy when you are out, but that isn't something you say real loud when you see it."  "Why is that guys tummy so big?"  "Well, you know how we try to eat really healthy foods?  Most likely that man doesn't make the same choices.  Some times people have things going wrong with inside body parts and their bodies look bigger like that but a lot more times its because they make bad choices with the food they choose to eat. You know how we have not been eating very good food while we are moving and you just asked if we could eat better because its making your body not feel so good.  People living in those bigger bodies probably feel like that all the time. OK, so we have just told you that bigger or fat people make bad choices with their food, this is not something you tell some one that has a bigger body.  You can know that it isn't healthy but you do not ever tell someone about their bad choices.  Jesus will talk to them about it.  We all make bad choices some times its just that when some one makes bad choices with food you can see it on their bodies.  They need self-control from Jesus just like you need self-control from Jesus to obey Mom and Dad the first time we ask you to do something.  Do you understand what we are saying?"  Troy was paying attention and we were sure he got the part about not correcting some one about their weight and not pointing out larger people in public. His response was, "Yes, I get it, can I get some more pizza?"
     Especially with our oldest, teacher, put things in their place boy we want to be so careful to teach the truth but also teach how to be appropriate with the truth. Just because you know something to be true about someone else doesn't mean you have the right to correct them. What a valuable lesson for us adults as well. I love that we are getting to venture into teaching these bigger life issues. I love that we get to shape our kids world views. What a heavy and wonderful responsibility it is to take the time to explain life issues and teach what God's word says about them!

HOW DID IT GO?

    My previous post on Authority may have been misleading.  I would want my readers to think that we had this glorious time of teaching with the kids and then a perfect peaceful day after making our "Family Authority Chart."  I have every intention of being REAL with this blog.  So what really happened was this.  We made our chart, had a sweet time of teaching, did our chores with out any problems and then nap time hit!  We are in a transitional time with nap right now.  Troy (almost 5) and Bear (3) are to my dismay they are genuinely not tired most days.  This is a huge shift for a Mama who has had 5 years of a 2 hour break in the middle of the day.  I rise at 4am. with my man right now so by 1pm. I am physically ready to shut her down for at least an hour!  On the day I am share in this post I was ready to shut down and my boys were not.  We have a standing rule that you do not get out of your bed or call after the door closes.  Of course bathroom is used and all needs are met prior to the door closing.  I think I counted 8 times between the boys.  There were pop pop's given, privileges taken away and still I would hear the nauseating sound of the door creaking and my "down time being taken away."  A whole other heart issue for another post :).  I lost it.  I was so angry I told (well yelled) them they would stay in their beds till their Dad got home.  I said they would be getting more pops but I wasn't going to do it while I was so angry at them.

     My wonderful man gets home to the boys in bed, Abi screaming because she didn't get enough sleep from getting woken up from her nap early and a wife on the edge!  He was amazing.  He dropped his plans for going to the old house to paint and told me, "You are done with the old house I will finish it on my own, I am staying home this evening and you will not deal with the boys another moment." He was firm with them and so loving at the same time.  The balance of the rod and rich communication is so rad!  We don't always do it right but when we do its beautiful.  The Lord really knows what He is talking about in scripture!  Right!?  So, I am a mess at this point balling because I'm angry at the boys and them balling some more because I'm so angry at the boys!  Did you catch that.  I was angry at them then angry at myself for being so angry and a "bad mom."
     As a result of coming home to his family in a cyclonic storm of conflict Paul laid down some big consequences.  The boys had lost anything with a screen, (TV, video games, computer) Toys, Drinks with flavor or food that is sweet and they were not even aloud to play with out toys.  Not for the rest of the day that was only 3 more hours.  They were in bed until dinner and then back in bed time sleeping time.  This consequence was for the whole next day, with out the promise of it being lifted then next day!  EEEK EEEK EEEK!  In my emotional state I was wishing I had held it together because it felt like I got a consequence too!  I kind of did and I kind of needed it!  I went to bed that night feeling a bit hopeless.  How was I going to keep those boys busy with chores ALL day!  We do a lot together most day but not ALL day.

     Paul and I had some good talking and praying before he went to work on the ALL PRIVILEGES LOST day (yesterday).  He said, "OK, Babe I know it is difficult this time of the month but going from I'm going to kill my kids to crying over what a bad Mom you is a little much. Lets not high five balance as you pass it by. Can you do that please?"  "Blahahahahahah! Yes that will be my top goal for the day!"  Such a valid Hubby request.  I am so thankful for my man and the rock his especially during this crazy season.

     So how did it go?
 Well I'd love to say great but I will say, good.  It was a whole lot more work keeping them occupied with chores.  At 5 and 3 you can't just turn them loose with cleaning the garage!  We did however get so much done at the only house I'm to be working on!  If they were working they were sitting apart from each other.  A whole day of work or time outs!  Wow!  Troy got it and was almost excited to get on with the day of chores and constantly asked what he could do next.  Bear on the other hand didn't really get it until about 4 chores in and then Mom had to work on the computer and he couldn't go play. He would ball and ask why.  Because he is 3 I chose one thing that I wanted to change from the day before.  That was getting out of bed.  I would tell Bear this is because you got out of bed.  After a few more times of sitting in between chores he would just cry and say I will never get out of bed again!  I started to see some real brokenness by 11am!  So exciting!  At lunch Abigail put her peanut butter finger all through her hair so as I took her to the bath I told the boys to sit on the toilet till you poop.   A major excuse for getting out of bed. They did.  I got Abi cleaned up and in bed for nap.  As I closed her door I realized there wasn't a sound or motion from anywhere in the house.  I went in the boys room first to find my "Wild Rebellious Bear" all struggled in bed with his animals just so.  He look up at me and said, Mom I will not get out of bed."  I wanted to cry!  I kissed him and with out conflict left him to his nap.  Troy sleeps in mine and Paul's bed or plays with toys in our room which ever we are allowing that day.  Today was a sleep day.  Troy too was all snuggled in.  My kids slept!  I think Bear still needs naps but if he is busy thinking about how he can get out of bed he wont settle.
     After nap was good but a little more crazy.  We were all very done with the no privileges thing.  Troy and I had a good talk about finishing strong.  A talk I needed to hear as much as he did.
     Today the boys have earned their toys back.  Paul said he wants to see how hearts are with out giving back everything.  A wise move I think.  Bible study starts today so that is such desert for all of us.  I get to have God's word poured into me and they get to play with some of their favorite kiddos!
     So that's what we did this time and the blessings and struggles of it all.  If you are a parent let me encourage you this is not a job for the faint of heart.  We have to battle for our babies souls with the eminence love we have for them.  They need structure and boundaries.  It is a lot of work but wild undisciplined kids has got to be more work. We are in this together! Press on!

Oh this house will happen! One day 

AUTHORITY

Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this right. "Honor your father and mother,"- which is the first commandment with a promise- "that is may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth" 

Eph. 6:1-3

    So very basic but so very hard when you are 5, 3 and 1 1/2. At least in our home.  As we have moved into a new home it seems we have left all our standards of living and interacting as a family at the old house.  My sweet Troy was looking a bit blue one day recently as we did some chores.  I asked what was wrong and he replied, "I just thought we weren't going to do chores at the new house."  "Oh, right because your 5! Even though you act 13 half the time your little world is being rocked and you don't really know how to place it all!"  I thought to myself. I previously thought getting the new house completely unpacked was a top priority, I now see that their is one higher.  A shift has graciously been made in my heart and thinking.  THANK YOU JESUS!  It will happen this new house will get set up.  I don't want to miss the opportunity to train my babies how to do a life transition for the sake of my preference.  That being a well organized home a week after move in. 

    We have been experiencing much disobedience and challenging of instruction.  There is a fine balance between being sensitive to their worlds being turned up side down and maintaining the standard. 

    We are going right back to the beginning this week.  Children obey your parents!  Yesterday morning we spent the breakfast time talking out what every word in Eph. 6:1-3 means.  We went to the living room and made up hand motions so we could act out the verse as we say it.  They love that part and I must confess so do I! 

     Some of the issues we are up against is misplaced thinking on authority.  

They are clear that God is the "most in charge" and that Dad is under God and Mom is under Dad.  Its the kids being under Mom and Dad and not over each other that needs some work. 

     We talked about how Mom and Dad love and fallow Jesus. Troy and Bear of course pipe in how much they love Jesus too. I smile. I explained that our family is "in the Lord" as Eph. 6 states.  So we were going to draw what that looks like. 

    God at the top of being "in charge." I will soon teach them the word AUTHORITY.  For now we are using kid words.  So, from God all the way down to Duke (our chocolate puppy) I had them draw themselves in their proper place and line up in the family.  This of course was super fun.  We put our Family Authority Order on the fridge. 

     I have been surprised at how useful it has been in one day!  Bear loves Batman.  He hasn't watched a lot of Batman cartoons so its amazing how much like his favorite super hero he is.  A vigilante to the core.  Desires things to be right and just by any means necessary.  If Abigail has Troy's toy don't worry Bear to the rescue!  He will pummel his sister to make sure she doesn't have something she shouldn't.  I love the bottom line of his heart but of course we are working on the method.  Our oldest Troy loves things in there place and is quite the teacher.  Often these two personalities are usurping their authority over one another.  Paul and I use the phrase, "That is a parent job not a brother job."  With the Family Authority Order drawing we are able to go look at it and see that all the kids are on the same level.  I remind them that they can trust me to take care of issues with their brother or sister. 

     Its exciting to see light bulbs turn on in there thinking.  This is training up a child in the way they should go.  What is at stake here is life going well for them (Eph.6:1-3).  I love them so much I desire with all my heart for life to go well for them.  I have not done these days perfectly.  I am pretty sure I have apologized every single day for my frustration and yelling at the kids.  "Yeah, kind of yelling a lot Mom," Troy pipes in. "Yes, Troy that is why I am apologizing and that is not appropriate to say while I am tell you sorry, because I am already aware of my sin." "Oh, well then I forgive you Mom." "Thank you son."  By God's grace we are pressing on one life lesson at a time. 

I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT.

     Wow moving! Amazing. We have done it 7 or 8 times in our 8 years of marriage! Before that I moved 8 times in my 3 1/2 years at Head Waters Lodge (Youth Camp were Paul and I met and went to Bible College). Growing up I think we moved 5 times. I believe it is on the top 10 list of most stressful life events. Rightfully so! I have been over whelmed this move with God's love and care directly to my heart and tangibly though other people. We were so blessed with gifts to help make our new home wonderful and beautiful. Gifts of money and time. We received a $500 Kroger (Grocery Store) gift card for Christmas. We were able to bye cleaning supplies, much needed toiletries and other gift cards. We got a gift card for Lowe's and bought paint for our new house. The new house was an awful shade of peach up stairs and had a powder pink room down stairs. If you know anything about Paul and I we are not pink people. This new house is a wonderful opportunity to save money and build a better budget. We COULD have lived with pink walls of course! Beautiful colors on walls is far from a need but man we were so blessed to have nice neutrals. Not only did we get paint but my Father and Brother in Love did all the painting! What a gift in this crazy time when Paul doesn't have free time to speak of!
     7 moves as a married woman. I have learned and finally executed one valuable lesson. Before the move God and I did business on the subject of submission. I know what scripture says that my husband is the head of our home, leader of the family. Its one thing to know it and another to live it. In past moves I have caused extra stress. "Meaning well" but not creating "well." My man and I are two very different people. We have very different styles. Something I have notice God do with many other couples as He pairs them up! I love to have a plan and make sure everyone is on the same page. He is more go with the flow work hard and it will work itself out. It is worth it to do moving in his style and his pace. If I were the head of the family it would have gone so differently. Different not better. Of course in the thick of it, its easy to think your way is better! Right? I have learned that peace and unity between Paul and I during a stressful event is so much more valuable than my way.  To nag my perspective or great idea one more time when he has made a decision and is ready to move on to the next task just isn't helpful. I am called to be helpful! I don't mean to paint a picture of Paul being a hard master that I door mat to. That isn't our relationship at all. We both have great ideas but some one has to make the final decision on big and little things and that's his role. There is a style and flow of every person. I believe it is part of our privileged as wive to figure out how to best support, honor and love our man in the style God gave him.  If you are married I trust you get what I'm talking about. If you aren't you will!

Mamo and PaPa sent us a care package with moving supplies!
This tape gun saved us so much time and allowed Troy to help.

Abi packed this entire cabinet by herself! 

Photo by troy! 

     It was an emotional thing moving out of our first home. We moved out of the upstairs of Paul's parents into our wonderful first house. This time was less glamorous. It was a practical move. Rent is $400 less and we need that kind of savings in our season right now. I was also extremely hormonal right at the time of moving. Paul took such tender care of me. I know that I would have for fitted some of that if I fought for my style. Its fun when you have an intense something happen and you are surprised at the growth God has done in you!
     We were also surprised and blessed at how our crazies handle the last few weeks. We have all been very sick then Christmas then the move! Its been a wild rid and our babies have just gone along with it! They were helpful with packing and cleaning and excited with us for the adventure of it all. I was so blessed. My Father in love was telling me about how a wise man (of course I don't remember the guys name) said, "It isn't a right statement to say pressures or trials make us stronger. The pressure and trials show us what is already stored up in our hearts. Sometimes its wonderful and we handle things well some times God is taking the opportunity to show us areas we need to grow in." He (My Father In Love) encouraged me the reason the kids are handling the move well is because of the investment we have made in them and its coming out as fruit in this high pressure time. To which I of course responded with tears and rejoicing! It can so often feel like all the discipline and training is going in one ear and out the other but we got to see some concentrated fruit during those big move days. That being said, we are right back to training! My Bear keeps walking out of the kitchen with food! Like its totally normal to grab himself a snack. When I say, "Hey bud, you didn't ask if you could have that food and you may not get it with out asking," He replies, "But I was so hungry." Oh man! The boundaries and standards that were set in place and fallowed at our old house seem to all need to be tested by all 3 here at the new house.
     Troy said to me last night, "Mom, I am a little miserable." I responded, " I bet buddy is it from all the consequences you have been getting?" He said, "Yeah," Just as despondent as could be. I said, " that is how the foolish man's life is. The foolish man makes bad choices and there is always something that comes next. A reward for good choices or a consequence for bad one. The life of a wise man is not perfect or always fun but he has a whole lot more rewards from Jesus!"
     So we press on! We are working hard to put this new wonderful house together and maintaining some sort of structure with out kids. I am so very blessed!