INSIDE OUT

     My kids do their laundry every day.  Everyday they need help.  Well the younger two do and really their only almost 5 and 3.  One of them gets frustrated every day when the clothes are inside out.  He melts down says he can't do it and even goes as far as saying I am a bad folder.  Yes you guest it I am talking about my Bear child.  God uses Bear in my life often to paint me pictures of myself.  He is at times a dramatic example of the whirlwind going on in my heart.
     The Lord recently showed me that I get the gospel inside out.  To be clear the gospel is that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit had a plan.  Before creation they knew that Jesus would need to come, die and raise from the dead to win the right to forgive us of our sin.  He purchased the keys to sin and death and will use them to set us free if we believe it.  This is something I KNOW.  I grew up in the church, I went to bible school and have been a student of the scriptures my whole adult life.  Yet I have still got the most wonderful freeing truth there is on earth or in heaven inside out.

God's word says in 2 Cor. 9:8

And God is able to make ALL grace abound toward you, that you, ALways having ALL sufficiently in ALL things, may have and abundance for every good work. 
   
     When I get to a scripture like this that is packed with more that I am able to unravel in my simple mind I have to go to the original language.

ALL: Every whole
GRACE: the divine influence on a heart and its reflection in the life
SUFFICIENT: Contentedness, competence

     I  wrote on this same scripture last week and the word focus for me was SUFFICIENT.  But this week its GRACE.   Here is how I get the gospel inside out.  God is saying that He gives us everything we need in abundance and the natural flow of that would be to obey Him in the good works He has lined up for us.  What I have done is looked at that grace and said, "Wow that sure would be nice. I will do all these good works to get some of that."  That is like you giving your kid a Christmas present and they save up all the next year to pay you back for it!  YUCK!
     When I have things inside out or backwards then my motivating force isn't grace but fear of failure.  Believe me you can get a lot done and almost look like you have your poop in a group with fear of failure driving you on.  The down side is that it is exhausting and lacking in real fellowship and intimacy with God.  Christ died to set us free from sin.  There can be no fear of failure were grace has taken up residency.
     So I have spent the last 2 weeks freaking out about the fact that I am back at square one.  Which would not be a good example of walking in the rest of grace.  Sometimes I really like to share when I'm not on the other side yet.  I have done some pretty serious business with the Lord on this issue and am looking forward to all that He is going to teach me about it.  I am even more excited about what receiving and walking in grace will do for my kids.  I am praying that the lack of grace I have been unable to pass on to my kids will be redeemed and that God would use me as a main source of grace in my kids lives.
     I mentioned that I struggled with the grace concept for 2 weeks and then I realized some were in the last 2 weeks I stopped drinking coffee.  OK, Jess what does that have to do with anything.  Well, I'll tell you.  I have desired to stop drinking coffee for some time.  I have stopped and started over and over.  I'm not a coffee hater by I have some skin issue that coffee is the one thing I shouldn't be drinking.  I felt powerless to stop and strived to do it.  I have asked God to help me but never rested in His grace to do it.  In the midst of all this grace turmoil God gave me something tangible to show me that He will do it.  He will make all grace to abound toward me that I will always have all sufficiency in all things that I may have an abundance for every good work.  God will do this for me because He loves me. Just like I started flipping Bear's clothes right side out before I gave them to him. Because I love him.

Our Bear 

     Are you resting in grace. Do you know there isn't a thing you can do to pay God back and all He wants is your heart? I would encourage you do business right now if there is any to do. Love you reader. Thanks for taking the time to go on this journey with me.
                                                                                                   ~Jess

Word of the day: Competent

     Our kids are really into Lego's right now.  So much so that Paul and decide to do a Lego Christmas.  Everything Lego's. I was so excited about the idea until I was on a blanket with Abi "building" with her.  Paul is usually the one to sit on the floor with the kids and build.  He is great at it and each of our kids love it. I love Lego's in our lives too!  I love that it occupies the kids for hours and its not TV.  I love that they are colorful and require all kinds of skills the kids will use later in life.  I don't however personally love Lego's.  I like it when they get a new set and all the pieces are in little bags and you have the nice instruction manual.  The like the moment my younger two get a little board with so much structure and they move on to something and I get to keep building with the neat and tidy instruction manual all by my self.  I can be creative with paint but you give me building blocks and I am lost. The other day it took me 20 minutes to build a very average house for Abi.

I kept building a house that was structurally unsound and it would crumble in my hands.  Each time it crumbled as silly as it seams I would hear in my mind "your not enough for them." "Not only are you terrible at the thing they enjoy most, you have to MAKE yourself sit down and play with them, you don't enjoy it." I love spending time with my kids. There are some activities that we don't enjoy and do them anyways...we don't want them to grow up and remember Mom and Dad were fun as long as it was what they wanted to do. 

     Competent would not be a word I would ever in my life use to describe myself.  I have always struggled in the area of learning in general, have major processing challenges that affect everything I do, and there are not many things that feel come naturally to me. Aside from balloon animals of course.  
     This post is just about depressing enough. Here is the good part.  All this that I have shared while yes its venerable and how I have truly viewed myself...ITS NOT THE TRUTH. I am not incompetent and neither are you. 
      Lately Bear has been on this kick of telling how he "FEELS" in the midst of a disciple or consequence. It usually goes like this, "I feel like you don't love and you don't want me to have any fun ever for the rest of my life." At first this concerned me and I thought I had majorly screwed up as a parent.  Then I realized he does feel that way and his feelings are down right wrong.  I do love him with all my heart and I genuinely want him to have fun everyday of his life.  I love him and I love fun!  I have been gently telling him, I understand that you feel that way but it isn't the truth, I love you.  Bear your are letting your feeling be the boss of you and they aren't your boss Jesus is. 
     Sooooooooooo, the same goes for me.  So what if you feel terrible at Lego's and you don't enjoy playing with them.  You are enough for you kids because when it comes to GOOD WORKS,  these kids are the greatest work you are ever going to get to do this side of heaven! 
  What God wants to give me and you if we will receive it: 
 And God is able to make all GRACE abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. 2 Cor. 9:8 
    I looked up that word sufficiency in the Greek, it totally means competent!  So regardless of how we feel about ourselves in the good work that God has given us to do the truth of the matter is that we are not just surviving our calling but have grace abounding toward us and are completely competent for the task at hand. SWEET! 
  The rest of the story on the blanket outside forcing myself to build a terribly unsound Lego house with my girl is this...She doesn't care most about the product of our time but the time it self.  That girl doesn't care much what we do together its the together that she longs for.  And just to put me in my place regardless of my feelings God has her casually say, "Oh Mom, I lob (love) that house you made me." 
    Thank you Jesus that Your grace makes us competent for the good work you have fashioned for us. I lob You! 

Your the perfect Mom

     Over the years I have watched my Mom with my adult handicapped bother.  I have noticed that she really is the perfect Mom for him.  I have never know a woman to pay more attention to detail and have never know a guy to delight and appreciate that gift in some one as much as Lukie.  For example she has a quilt for his bed for every season.  There is nothing my bother loves more that to celebrate something and she does it with him in the tiny things and big things.  So its easy for me to see that God knew what He was doing when He pared the two of them up.

My Mom and Lucas. Sorry about the orientation I just couldn't
figure it out but aren't they sweet! She is amazing! 

     If this is true about Parents and kids which of course we believe it is.  God picks the kids we get and He is sovereign and He is good and He knows what He is doing.  Why did I want to break down cry and roll the eyes of my heart when my Mother in Love said these very words to me just yesterday?
     We have some serious fighting going on in our home right now.  Mainly between the two fire crackers #2 and #3.  I couldn't accepted the truth at first from my Mother in love because if I am so perfect for them then I would think I might have a clue about what to do with them.  In that moment standing on her porch I didn't.
      I am so thankful that James 1 tells us that we can ask for wisdom and God will give it.  I am also so thankful for a husband that loves these kids as much as I do and knows them yet has a more pulled back perspective on the situation that I do because he isn't in the thick of it every moment like I am.   Between asking the Lord and my husband for help this is were we are at.  LOCK DOWN.  Or as Abi way more cutely says "wock down." Lock down is when the kids loose all privileges.  What is considered a privilege? Most everything.  They get to eat and drink and read their bible and  do regular chores but beyond that nothing.  No toys, no electronics, no play dates, no fishing and no hiking.

I refer to them as firecrackers,
 never to them but to you my reader.
I think firecrackers are beautiful. 

     Yesterday when I reported to my man that we did not have a good morning.  That both younger children have screamed, hit, bitten and threatened to do all of those things to each other repeatedly he said "OK, Its time for lock down." I don't often make this call and I'm going to be honest its because I am selfish.  I like to hike and  let them watch TV on Saturdays (because its the only day of the week we even let them watch TV so they love it and I love it). It take sacrifice sometimes to fallow through with giving them a consequence that gets their attention beyond a pop pop or a time out.
     I realized something new and extremely important this round of lock down.  I RESCUE!!!  It is really easy to see this when someone else is doing it but some how I missed it in myself.  I was sharing with Paul that I was dreading the next day because it is supposed to be a day of rest and now I have to try and come up with chores for them to do all day!  He quickly responded, "no you don't this house doesn't revolve around the kids if it is your day of rest then you need to rest."  I responded, "I don't think they know that."  Paul said, "I can guarantee they don't know that."  I sat for a moment and this is when God said yes to the request for wisdom.  It came out of my mouth before I could over think it and I said. "I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT THIS HOUSE DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND THE KIDS." Paul more gently responded,  "I don't think so either Babe."  Well dang it and Thank you JESUS!  This would be a great time to cut this out of my interaction with my children!  I am so thankful God showed me so plainly and so gently.  When my kids need a good consequence that makes them uncomfortable such as lock down I get in there and try to ease the blow.  Believe me when you loose everything chores are a delight and I would run my self ragged trying to delight my children in their consequence when they should be feeling he sting of their bad choices.  So no more rescuing.  Their choices are going to get bigger and life consequences bigger.  If they can rely on Mama to make it easier then I am only going to get in the way of what God is doing to get their attention and show them that they must be desperate for Him, and abide in Him to bear fruit in this life.
     Thank you Jesus that you paired me up with my kids, that I am the right woman for the job because you are good and wise enough to help me, thank you that I am also off the hook.  I don't have to rescue them.  That is why you came to this earth. To die for their sin so they wouldn't have to. Thank you that there is consequence for sin and the sting reminds us that we can not do this life fruitfully apart form you.  Draw their little hearts in by your love and YOUR RESCUE.