CALL

Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver you, and you will glorify Me. Ps. 50:15

Hebrew:
call: to call out by name
trouble: tightness
deliver: smoothness
glorify: to be heavy (numerous, rich, honorable) to make weighty, about with honour

     How often do we run to everyone or thing else first.  I usually know that I'm not going to God first with a day of trouble when I call a bunch of people to complain to or "ask for prayer."  I have been troubled in the past and called like 4 people, on different time zones and no one picks up.  God's availability and power to help is endless and often it can be the last place we go.  Just look at this promise.  We call on Him and He delivers and we get to glorify Him.  This is the whole point of the Christian's life this side of heaven.  I love that the Hebrew word for trouble is tightness and the result of going to God with it is smoothness.  Yes please! I don't have the energy for tightness!
     Now of course it matters the state of our heart that we go to God with.  If we go shaking our fist and don't put it down in humility then we aren't going to enjoy the smoothness that God is offering.  I have done both.  Often I go to God shaking my fist.  I have literally been driving down the road in the car by myself (not to long ago) screaming at God!  I screamed every complaint about the trouble we were in and then screamed at the truth He was gently bringing to mind about who He is.  I walked away from that car ride with a horse voice and peaceful heart.  I know not everyone is going to be as intense as I am but the same principle applies.  We get to go to God in our days of trouble and HE WILL DELIVER US!  He may deliver us IN the trouble and not from it but either way I'll take it.  I love peace of heart so much .  Today I want to call on the name of the LORD.  How about you?  Are you in a day of trouble that you need some smoothing deliverance?

  CALL ON HIM! 

AH FREAK OUT!

    Bear: 

"Mom, why do you make those canbases" (canvases)

     Great question kid! I told him that it was because when I am doing it I feel like I am doing something God created me to do. That may sound a little cheesy but let me explain.  Its not the painting per say its the worship.  The canvas and the paint and my letter styles and placement is the fun outlet but I was CREATED TO WORSHIP MY GOD!

     Yesterday I freak out!  I mean lost it.  Paul has been volunteering at our local Fire Station for 2 1/2 years.  His first day was the night Abi was born.  We have sacrificed as a family and he has worked so hard to get his EMT and all the training and time under his belt to even be in a position to apply for the hiring that is about to take place.  It could be the end (or some relief) to a very long stressful financially unsecured time for us.  So, of course "him getting the job" has been an idol that has fought hard to get on my heat!  I have beat it into submission over and over by God's grace but it keeps getting back up as idol's often do.  Paul got the phone call yesterday that he has an interview!  You would think I would be ecstatic.  No, I freaked out.  At first I was happy then I got angry.  Thoughts of I better not get my hopes up because God is just going to slam that door in our faces again.  YUCK!  Its true I was so rude in my heart with the Lord.  I knew this attitude wasn't OK but on the real its how I felt.  Granted I am hormonal and sick, not a good time to be processing life but process I tried.  I ended up lashing out at my family over stupid stuff.  At one point Paul came back in the room and said, "Is it safe to come out."  He was so gracious with me an even snuggled me while I cried and told him I don't know how to handle this.  He gave sound encouragement and we moved on with our day.  My man's words were good but I also wanted to hear from the LORD on how to handle the next few weeks. 

     This is Romans 12:12.  This is also the answer God gave me. The reason I want to share it is because its not just for me and my unique trial.  Its for everyone that loves Him.  Its for you reading this and it applies to what ever your current trial is.  I looked up all the Greek definitions to all the words and it could also read like this:

      I am to be, calmly happy in expectation and confidence in Jesus. Don't try to get out from under the pressure He is allowing but while under it be insistent, constant and diligent to worship in prayer. 

     Oh right, so I'm going to say that is a far cry from Rage Mommy.  I said to Paul yesterday, "I want to go to bed and wake up in a month when everything is decide."  That would be a major red flag for not meekly saying, "Yes, Lord I will stay in this trial and know You more in it." 

     So, I am only as far as the "freak out," and then the truth to calm me.  Now its time to walk in it.  If you would like to pray for me I would shout: YES PLEASE!  I so desperately want to love my God more and not be so rude in my lack of faith.  He is gracious and knew my freak out before I did.  I know He will show me more of Himself to get me though the next few weeks. 

TRUST

     OK, as promised I'm going to be real.  I don't feel like getting up in the morning to do any kind of connecting with God.  It has been a few years since I have felt this way.  Our circumstances over the last years have brought me to a place of brokenness and desperation for God's intimate interaction.  I have enjoyed much of this intimacy like never before in my life and would not trade all the hard we have encountered for the places Jesus and I have gotten to go together.  I'm just not feeling it right now. My alarm goes off and I lay there.  Not even a hot cup of coffee is enticing.  I just don't want to get up and do another day.
     What have I don't about this dilemma?  I've gotten up anyway.  Many times by the sweet encouragement of my man reminding me that I need Jesus before the kids get up.  Even as I write this I am realizing that many a morning God has spoken to my heart even though I don't feel like hearing. Huh...Thank you JESUS!  So that is were I am at today.  I don't want to stay here for another moment. I have been meditating much on TRUST.  I have come to realize something from the very familiar and often glazed over scripture Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all your heart lean not on your own understanding, and in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."

Weather I "feel" like it or not trusting Him is the KEY!  It's the key that unlocks everything I desire.  I desire to have peace even if circumstances don't get better.  I desire to forgive constantly the offences of others.  I want to love those closest to me with God's love.  To TRUST God is the key that unlocks these doors.  What is on the other side may not be an easier life but it will be one full of love, forgiveness, peace and ultimately please God as we know that faith pleases Him. 
     So I don't feel it right now but I am seeing God work around me and through me anyways.  Faith is not a feeling. 
     I was talking with my life long friend Trisha Goodman and she was getting so excited about what God is doing to prepare us for who knows what and recognizing that the training is intense.  It was a good perspective changer.  I don't want a change in circumstance (for us that would be steady income) to have any place of idolatry in my heart. I want to worship God weather I feel like it or not.  Every day.  I have to TRUST Him! 

Little Mrs. FIX IT

    I want to fix thing that are wrong!  Or what I perceive to be wrong. I want to make things right.  The things that matter most to me in the world are relationships. So my desire to fix and my love of relationships have collided much in my life.  I am beginning to learn something incredibly freeing that diminishes conflict in my beloved relationships.  TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART.  Yep.  I asked God several weeks ago how in the world am I to do this and He is answering me.  I don't think it will ever be an all at once answer. The more I grow in the Lord the more I am OK with my sanctification being a process and not an event.
     So TRUST.  What does it look like to trust.  For me its backing off some in my "training"of my kids with there interaction with each other and people outside our home.  Letting them try out all we have taught and either succeed or fail.  Its letting my husband off the hook of perfection and just being his best friend even if I don't agree with every little thing he does in a day. Its when something in a relationship concerns me or seems off, going directly to God about it first. Skipping God and plunging into fixing it....that was the old way. Its time to walk in a new way. TRUST. What is God calling you to trust Him with today?

Sometimes their interaction with each other is beautiful.