Look at the Birds

      Almost exactly 15 months ago our family started on a new path. We had been struggling much to make end meet in the world of construction which is Paul's life long trade. Through much toil and prayer Paul applied for the recruit class at our Fire dept. He was one of 3 chosen out of 30. His first class was Aug. 15th 2011, we will always remember that date for it is also our baby girl's birthday. Abigail was born some time in the afternoon and with the flu that had Paul in bed for 4 days previous, he guided me through labor held his baby girl, tried to stay at the hospital with me and I sent him away to his first class. Paul studied and learned how to be a fireman for 4 months. After that he took an EMT class and got his EMT. Another 4-5 month process. Our family got really good and working around his work and study schedule. Each accomplishment felt like the entire family's accomplishment.
     The entire year and a half we have also been on the edge of loosing our house and each month the body of Christ would give to us. Months in a row our entire rent was paid for us. The gifts were overwhelming. Upwards of $20,000 in the year and a half. All from people who don't necessarily have a lot of extra.
     Right as we were ready to pack up our house and go we don't know were God gave Paul  a full time job! He works at Mazak. Its factory work. We thank God everyday for the job and the steady income.
     Our Fire Dept. is creating a new list of eligibility for hire. The test is Nov. 29th. Paul is back in study mode.
     That is all the back round. Here is my heart struggle of today. I am battling with the lie that God is going to let us put all this effort into a future we truly desire just to let us fall on our faces and not get a job in fire. (ps. I have no concern about Paul's ability. He is a great fireman)
     I haven't slept in 2 nights and finally I realized. I'M ANXIOUS! Such an old familiar state of lacking faith. My God has proven Himself to me in countless ways and still I doubt Him as if we have not history together. I am so thankful for the grace I know He pours on me as I confess it.
     This is a pivotal time in our lives and I felt like there wasn't anything I could do to help as Paul is the one who has to study and test and hopefully interview. This morning God showed me that that isn't true I can budget my energy so that I'm not wasted when he gets home from his 9 hour 6 days a week job to hit the books. I can not use the TV as a tool during the day so that I have it in the evening when its helpful to have it quieter down stairs while he studies. And most importantly I can help my man by joining him in trusting that our God has a good plan for us. Weather we get this "dream" job or not God is not unaware of our goings on. God is attentive to my heart struggle and desire me to get it that He is trust worthy. Today has trouble of its own to be attended to...I can't live in fear of the tomorrows. Its exhausting!
     So today I am asking God to help me look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet my heavenly Father feeds them. I am more valuable than the birds. My Heavenly Father knows my needs and is calling me to seek first the kingdom of heaven! (Matt.6:26-34)

We got this book yesterday! Abi and I have looked at it
many times and now when I see these pictures of the birds it
reminds me that I don't need to worry. My Father will take
care of me. I am sure to look at it a few 100 times during this
next week!