BEING BEAUTIFUL

     My entire life I have not believed I was beautiful.  If someone caught wind of this I was often told I need better self-esteem.  One boy growing up told me the most unattractive thing about me was that I didn't think I was beautiful.  There is much in the past that has lent to this thinking but bottom line this thinking is wrong.  The issue came up one more time last night in conversation with my husband and he was rightfully offended.  He said that he is genuinely attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful and for me to keep on believing this lie is like telling him that I think he made a bad choice.

     At first I thought, this isn't about you but God was graciously using him to get my attention.  If I am offending my husband the one that chose me to be family we have a problem.  We had gone to bed with out much resolve, I couldn't sleep so I got up.  I began to think and pray through my belief system on beauty.  For me it boiled down to a fear.  What if I believe I am beautiful my whole life and others are standing by thinking I am delusional.  I would be the fool.  I have often struggled with the idol of what others think of me.  So, I decided to study in the scriptures.  What dose God consider beautiful.  I knew right were to start because its something I pray for my daughter almost every single night.  Lord, would you teach Abigail to have a gentle and quiet spirit which is so valuable in Your sight. 

     but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:4 (American standard)

    Some versions say incorruptible beauty instead of apparel.  So God didn't say much about my style or the the latest make up trend or the sweet outfit idea's I see on Pintrest.  Earlier in 1 Peter 3 God says don't let your adornment merely be the out side things.  So its totally OK to enjoy fashion and looking nice. But what we put on our bodies or how skinny and fit we are DOES NOT determine if we are beautiful or not.  This is not new concept but I think it is one difficult to give ourselves fully to in light of the world we grow up in. 

     I desire to be beautiful and after my study of God's word He is redefining what beautiful is.

To God beauty is:

     A mild and humble disposition. A woman that can keep her seat and be still.  She is undisturbed and undisturbing, peaceable and quiet.  This is extremely expensive, and very precious to God.

God who has made heaven with streets of gold calls these things costly and expensive! This meekness and humility in the true biblical sense is not even possible apart from Christ.  Every single one of us is going to get old and no longer be considered "beautiful" in the eyes of mainstream media.  There is something more and completely untouched by the decay of time.   The hidden person of the heart. That comes with you after you die and determines your quality of life here on earth! 

      I was like a princess with beautiful gowns to wear and yet I snuck out of the palace to go live amongst everyone else to wear rags and call it beauty. 

     This is all new for me to actually believe what scripture says is beauty.  I look forward to how this will change my marriage, how I parent and how I value others.

self-portrate.