GUILT & GRACE

    
      Last week my Hub and I were having a conversation on parenting. I was freaking out because a few of our kids are exhibiting new behaviors and I felt powerless and confused on how to handle it. I lean towards over-anilization and getting to the core of the situation. That has its place but can be dangerous if it paralyzes us in the everyday of parenting, which it had. Paul reminded me that no matter what changes our kids go through and there will be many our job remains the same. We are to love God and show them what that looks like. God will give us wisdom for each changing season and we don't need to freak out. RIGHT! This is why I value my man's input so much. He takes me from crazy professor looking at the situation through a microscope, pulls me back and reminds me that there is a beautiful panoramic landscape to see. Our part is to love and obey God and the results are up to Him. So good. 
     Also in this conversation Paul made a comment that bugged me. Mostly because its a sad waist of my energy and reveal a lie that I cling to. "Jess, I can't wait for the day that you believe that you are a good Mom and not the scum of the earth that you think you are." Hmmm. What do you do with that? At first I blew it off, rolled the eyes of my heart and chose to abide in unbelief. Then it bugged me enough to say, "OK, OK God what is the truth about this matter. I do think I'm a bad Mom." GUILT. I have major guilt over the smaller years of raising our kids. There were several years of irrational anger at certain times of the month that obliterates my desire to parent in patience and love. Not that I was a victim but my REAL hormonal imbalance made it difficult to love no matter how many times a day I would cry out to God for help. So I have some guilt that I am holding on to. Not because its helpful or hopeful but because of my pride. Guilt really is an arrogant state of heart. Really, guilt says if i beat myself up enough maybe one day I can earn back the favor of God. LAME.  As a believer I have accepted grace. Not just to save me from hell but for the everyday redemption for not living perfect. The truth is I have peace with God I have been made right and the more I believe that the more it will affect my behavior. Hanging on to guilt never made a person more free to walk in obedience to the One who considers them precious enough to give His all for them. Never. So it is by faith I need to let go of the guilt and choose to cling to the undeserved privilege of GRACE. Stand there stay there and ABIDE. Not as license to sin more but as the power behind sinning less. And exhale. 

I am a good Mom.

Our Kids are PEOPLE!

     Duh! Right?  Our 3 are all under 2 years apart.  People often refer to that as stair stepped.  Not as close as some kids but still each time I was pregnant and having a new baby the old one was still a baby himself!  "Old one" hahah.  Anyways.  I have been a parent for 7 years, so long and so short at the same time. All my babies are now self sufficient little people.  They dress themselves, feed them selves, walk themselves, go to the bathroom all on their own and many more things that they used to need me for. 
     So recognizing that my babies are people has been a gradual becoming more natural as they act like little people and not just pooping, creaming adorable blobs!  God has challenged me lately with a very simple but profound scripture application shift.  That was a mouthful.  Basically He has challenged my perspective on my kids and the bible and how they interact.  I have read and applied God's word for years but as I see my babies as people, so much more of scripture applies beyond "train them up in the way they should go!"  I no longer hunt for "parenting verses" the whole thing applies!  That's exciting. The first time I really got this concept  was this the scripture Galatians 6:1-2.  This morning I was in Col. 1 and  thought I would pass on what I found and how it relates to being a Mom or Dad! 

Colossians 1:28-29 ESV

28 Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. 29 For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me.

     OK, "everyone" includes my 7, 5, and 3 year old!  Our job is obviously to teach our kids but not just life stuff "life and godliness."  Here's were is gets fun toil means to labor, to feel fatigue, and work hard.  Parenting 101!  Struggling means to complete for a prize, accomplish something. So often we get confused as parents.  We think that our toil and struggle should end in the prize we want.  Well behaved kids that make us look good.  Such a shallow goal doesn't always get to the place that God wants to work.  God is interested in our kids hearts.  So we do the work, we toil, we struggle, we get real with God about our own sin and we infuse scripture into our own lives so that we can teach what we have graciously been taught.  When we first and consistently go to God about our own issues then He teaches us how to proclaim, warn and even struggle and toil well. He has it all covered.  God is all about our proximity to Him.  We can read all the parenting books in the world but if we aren't getting raw, real and close to God and staying there we will not have what we need to teach these kids to be mature in Christ one day. 

     So, that's it for now.  I'm sure I will come across another familiar scripture that I never thought to apply to parenting and be to excited about it to not share!  Blessings on your walks with God and parenting!  We can do this people He works in us to be sufficient for the job he has called us to! 

God has completely change my relationship with this one!
I'm enjoying who he is even in his less mature state! 

STRONG WILLED

     I have share in previous POSTS that I recently have come to my complete end in parenting.  In my pride I thought if that ever happened, if I threw my hands up and said, "I just don't know what to do!" the world might stop spinning.  Well I did about three weeks ago.  I gave up.  BEST THING I EVER DID! 
      Going into parenting I thought I was going to do such a great job.  I was the "good one" growing up and everyone said, "you'll be a great mom."  I would try to "humbly" say thank you but inside part of me was like, "yeah I know," and the other part of me was terrified of failing.  Quite the perfect storm in side me.  Well we had our first.  There isn't much of what I would consider parenting that first year just a lot of keeping them alive!  Right? Well, once our first born made it to the terrible 2's and wasn't so terrible that was it!  The part of me that "knew" I would be a great mom got puffed up and decided I was amazing. Then #2 was born.  From the get go things were different.  He was black and blue on arrival because he came out so fast!  Seriously.  When you refer to a boy as a "bruiser" that our second.  Started crawling at 5-ish months and ever since hasn't been to concerned with making sure I feel like I'm a good mom.  For a long while I have felt sorry for my self. Just being real here. Who did God think he was to give me a strong willed kid and messing up what I thought of myself. PRIDE PRIDE PRIDE.  God is so gracious to give us what He knows will be to our benefit. 
     Our second kid is 5 years old. I have gone to God most days of that 5 years and begged for help or complained but just in the last three weeks I have said, "what do you think of my kid." What is your perspective on this strong willed thing. He has answered here and there but just this morning I got a glimpse of something truly helpful. 
     

Romans 12:1-2

 I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

     GOD IS STRONG WILLED!  Seriously, track with me.  We are made in the image of God right.  The things about us that look like God if not surrounded are usually our greatest weakness as well.  Like, God is a God of order, I love to be orderly but if I don't keep that good characteristic surrendered to God it will turn into order-zilla!  There will be no room for mess, and all will be perfect all the time with no wiggle room.  My kid has a strong will.  So does his heavenly Father!  God has a good, perfect and pleasing will and we are so thankful for it even though we don't understand it all the time.  My kid has his Father's characteristic in this area.  That is a good thing.  What I GET to do as his parent is keep introducing him to Jesus so that he can one day surrender this part of how God has made him and God WILL use it for His glory.  Maybe this is really simple but its a perspective that helps me stay calm when in yet another battle over behavior.  The term "strong willed" just lost all its negative connotation that the world and even the church has put on it. 

    My prayer for my husband, myself and every other parted of a strong willed kids is that God would grant perspective in the little years.  That He would give His unconditional yet firm love for our kids to us and that we would parent more and more the way He does. 

I don't HAVE to be at War!

Galatians 6:1-2

 Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

LAW OF CHRIST: John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

     The scripture above has brought great freedom and change in my heart and in our home.  We have a strong willed child.  I have pretty much felt at my end as a parent for quite some time in my relationship with this one.  I feel like I can never get through to them and yelling louder only exacerbates the problem.  I have read a few amazing books with some really great and helpful tricks.  Books can be timely avenues that God uses to get our attention in a certain area but NOTHING will hold a torch to the Word of God.  It alone is alive and active and interactive with our soul and spirit.  So as I was getting excited about yet another book and burnt out on all the tricks of the last book my husband almost gently said to me, why don't you just read the bible.  If you know my man you know truth is his strong suit and mercy is one that is still being tailored!  He softened with me and said, Jess you were so excited about the last book and now your talking about a new book but I haven't heard much of what God has shown you from His word and implementing that in parenting.  BUSTED!  I asked him to give me a few passages he thought I should study.  He did and I did.  I continued to pray that God would lead me in His word for guidance on how to better parent, and specifically my strong one. 

     Our washer has been broken for a week so we have been at my Mom and Dad in Love's often.  I am so blessed to have one of the greatest bible teachers and heart's to disciple that I have ever known, for a Father in Love!  He challenge my thinking in a few areas and gave me some scripture to chew on.  They were the verses above. 

     It never dawned on me to apply these scriptures to my parent child relationships!  When I did I began to see that I don't HAVE to be at war with my kids and their choices.  I am the one who would be considered "spiritual" in the situation. Hahah. But really that just means willing to be lead by the Spirit and I am!  Not perfectly of course but that is my hearts desire and daily practice.  My job is not to just put up with my kids and dish out consequences because I have to train them up right, but to gently restore.  To teach them that forgiveness is always free but trust is to be earned.  My heart towards them is not just survival but humility, genteelness and seeking restoration.  If I am not careful I get sucked right into selfishness, impatience and what ever flavor of sin that runs ramped through our home with 3 immature kids under the age of 7.  Being gentle, seeking to restore and bearing their burdens doesn't mean that when they mess up there isn't correction that is most often uncomfortable for them.  It just means that even though God has given me the job to implement discipline that doesn't mean that I HAVE to be frustrated. So I have to ask myself,  "Am I willing to wake up and say Lord this is your day what now?"  Am I shocked when my kids sin?  As if any amount of raising them to do the right thing is going to take away their sin nature and desperate need for Jesus. God has really changed my perspective with these verses on my entire job as a mom! I hope this was encouraging to at least one. Happy Parenting! 

Just got a new bible. ESV Journal Bible. LOVE IT! 

Word of the day: Competent

     Our kids are really into Lego's right now.  So much so that Paul and decide to do a Lego Christmas.  Everything Lego's. I was so excited about the idea until I was on a blanket with Abi "building" with her.  Paul is usually the one to sit on the floor with the kids and build.  He is great at it and each of our kids love it. I love Lego's in our lives too!  I love that it occupies the kids for hours and its not TV.  I love that they are colorful and require all kinds of skills the kids will use later in life.  I don't however personally love Lego's.  I like it when they get a new set and all the pieces are in little bags and you have the nice instruction manual.  The like the moment my younger two get a little board with so much structure and they move on to something and I get to keep building with the neat and tidy instruction manual all by my self.  I can be creative with paint but you give me building blocks and I am lost. The other day it took me 20 minutes to build a very average house for Abi.

I kept building a house that was structurally unsound and it would crumble in my hands.  Each time it crumbled as silly as it seams I would hear in my mind "your not enough for them." "Not only are you terrible at the thing they enjoy most, you have to MAKE yourself sit down and play with them, you don't enjoy it." I love spending time with my kids. There are some activities that we don't enjoy and do them anyways...we don't want them to grow up and remember Mom and Dad were fun as long as it was what they wanted to do. 

     Competent would not be a word I would ever in my life use to describe myself.  I have always struggled in the area of learning in general, have major processing challenges that affect everything I do, and there are not many things that feel come naturally to me. Aside from balloon animals of course.  
     This post is just about depressing enough. Here is the good part.  All this that I have shared while yes its venerable and how I have truly viewed myself...ITS NOT THE TRUTH. I am not incompetent and neither are you. 
      Lately Bear has been on this kick of telling how he "FEELS" in the midst of a disciple or consequence. It usually goes like this, "I feel like you don't love and you don't want me to have any fun ever for the rest of my life." At first this concerned me and I thought I had majorly screwed up as a parent.  Then I realized he does feel that way and his feelings are down right wrong.  I do love him with all my heart and I genuinely want him to have fun everyday of his life.  I love him and I love fun!  I have been gently telling him, I understand that you feel that way but it isn't the truth, I love you.  Bear your are letting your feeling be the boss of you and they aren't your boss Jesus is. 
     Sooooooooooo, the same goes for me.  So what if you feel terrible at Lego's and you don't enjoy playing with them.  You are enough for you kids because when it comes to GOOD WORKS,  these kids are the greatest work you are ever going to get to do this side of heaven! 
  What God wants to give me and you if we will receive it: 
 And God is able to make all GRACE abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work. 2 Cor. 9:8 
    I looked up that word sufficiency in the Greek, it totally means competent!  So regardless of how we feel about ourselves in the good work that God has given us to do the truth of the matter is that we are not just surviving our calling but have grace abounding toward us and are completely competent for the task at hand. SWEET! 
  The rest of the story on the blanket outside forcing myself to build a terribly unsound Lego house with my girl is this...She doesn't care most about the product of our time but the time it self.  That girl doesn't care much what we do together its the together that she longs for.  And just to put me in my place regardless of my feelings God has her casually say, "Oh Mom, I lob (love) that house you made me." 
    Thank you Jesus that Your grace makes us competent for the good work you have fashioned for us. I lob You! 

Your the perfect Mom

     Over the years I have watched my Mom with my adult handicapped bother.  I have noticed that she really is the perfect Mom for him.  I have never know a woman to pay more attention to detail and have never know a guy to delight and appreciate that gift in some one as much as Lukie.  For example she has a quilt for his bed for every season.  There is nothing my bother loves more that to celebrate something and she does it with him in the tiny things and big things.  So its easy for me to see that God knew what He was doing when He pared the two of them up.

My Mom and Lucas. Sorry about the orientation I just couldn't
figure it out but aren't they sweet! She is amazing! 

     If this is true about Parents and kids which of course we believe it is.  God picks the kids we get and He is sovereign and He is good and He knows what He is doing.  Why did I want to break down cry and roll the eyes of my heart when my Mother in Love said these very words to me just yesterday?
     We have some serious fighting going on in our home right now.  Mainly between the two fire crackers #2 and #3.  I couldn't accepted the truth at first from my Mother in love because if I am so perfect for them then I would think I might have a clue about what to do with them.  In that moment standing on her porch I didn't.
      I am so thankful that James 1 tells us that we can ask for wisdom and God will give it.  I am also so thankful for a husband that loves these kids as much as I do and knows them yet has a more pulled back perspective on the situation that I do because he isn't in the thick of it every moment like I am.   Between asking the Lord and my husband for help this is were we are at.  LOCK DOWN.  Or as Abi way more cutely says "wock down." Lock down is when the kids loose all privileges.  What is considered a privilege? Most everything.  They get to eat and drink and read their bible and  do regular chores but beyond that nothing.  No toys, no electronics, no play dates, no fishing and no hiking.

I refer to them as firecrackers,
 never to them but to you my reader.
I think firecrackers are beautiful. 

     Yesterday when I reported to my man that we did not have a good morning.  That both younger children have screamed, hit, bitten and threatened to do all of those things to each other repeatedly he said "OK, Its time for lock down." I don't often make this call and I'm going to be honest its because I am selfish.  I like to hike and  let them watch TV on Saturdays (because its the only day of the week we even let them watch TV so they love it and I love it). It take sacrifice sometimes to fallow through with giving them a consequence that gets their attention beyond a pop pop or a time out.
     I realized something new and extremely important this round of lock down.  I RESCUE!!!  It is really easy to see this when someone else is doing it but some how I missed it in myself.  I was sharing with Paul that I was dreading the next day because it is supposed to be a day of rest and now I have to try and come up with chores for them to do all day!  He quickly responded, "no you don't this house doesn't revolve around the kids if it is your day of rest then you need to rest."  I responded, "I don't think they know that."  Paul said, "I can guarantee they don't know that."  I sat for a moment and this is when God said yes to the request for wisdom.  It came out of my mouth before I could over think it and I said. "I DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT THIS HOUSE DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND THE KIDS." Paul more gently responded,  "I don't think so either Babe."  Well dang it and Thank you JESUS!  This would be a great time to cut this out of my interaction with my children!  I am so thankful God showed me so plainly and so gently.  When my kids need a good consequence that makes them uncomfortable such as lock down I get in there and try to ease the blow.  Believe me when you loose everything chores are a delight and I would run my self ragged trying to delight my children in their consequence when they should be feeling he sting of their bad choices.  So no more rescuing.  Their choices are going to get bigger and life consequences bigger.  If they can rely on Mama to make it easier then I am only going to get in the way of what God is doing to get their attention and show them that they must be desperate for Him, and abide in Him to bear fruit in this life.
     Thank you Jesus that you paired me up with my kids, that I am the right woman for the job because you are good and wise enough to help me, thank you that I am also off the hook.  I don't have to rescue them.  That is why you came to this earth. To die for their sin so they wouldn't have to. Thank you that there is consequence for sin and the sting reminds us that we can not do this life fruitfully apart form you.  Draw their little hearts in by your love and YOUR RESCUE. 

A Science "Experience"

    The Lord has been helping me teach my kiddo's His truth in new ways.  For a while we would read a bible story and then act it out! They loved that.  The other day I did a "science experiment" Bear miss understood me and now calls an experiment and "EXPERIENCE."  I kind of love that.  Teaching through experience, as an adult I still benefit so very much from a good visual or word pictures.  This is a gift God has given many of our pastor's they give us examples to help the truth of God's word stick in our brains long enough for us to get out and live it! 
     So I wanted to share about our experience!  For weeks now I have been teaching and learning with the kids the sign language for the scripture 1 Cor. 13:4-8 

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

     So, I got a jar and a rubber band and had Troy snag 4 army guys.  We strapped the army guys to the jar. I asked the kids where does the love that we have been learning about come from. "God!" Bear shouts, good one Bear.  I explained not only does love come from God, but we get to love because God lives in us by the Holy Spirit. (Troy and Bear have invited the Holy Spirit to live in them and Christ to be their Lord) We need God to pour His Holy Spirit in us continually because we leak! 

     Next I took food coloring and had them shout out one aspect of love form memory.  "Its kind, It doesn't boast, always protects!" Every time they said one I would drop color into my big jar of water.  This was just a visual of how beautiful those aspects of God's love is.  So all those things are in the Holy Spirit and when we start to get crunchy attitudes with each other we can ask the Holy Spirit to refill us with love. AND HE WILL! (Side note: I usually teach my kids whatever I am learning so that its fresh baked spiritual bread!) I began to pour the colored "Spirit" water in to the jar in the middle of the army men.  I told the kids the jar was  me and the men were Paul, Bear, Troy and Abi. As the water filled the small jar they were excited but giggles broke out when it over flowed and I shouted look at all that love getting all over you guys! 

     Each of them had a turn to color their water and would say Holy Spirit please fill me so I can love my family.  Then they would pour.  It was exciting every time.  We of course had to contrasting it the nastiest thing we could think of.  Duke's poop (our puppy). How much more pleasant and refreshing it is to be refilled with the living water of the Spirit to splash love on one another that our stinky flesh! 

    I don't want to post about this as a "Ta Da!" Look how clever I am but as an encouragement to Mom's or others with little ones. Use whatever gift you have to teach them the truth of God's word in a way that there little minds can "experience" it! 

*We also talked about how the Holy Spirit refilling us might look different for each person. That God has given us gifts to love one another in different ways just like the different colors we used to color the water. 

Fetch a Pail of Water

     I just wrote (Blog post "EMPTY") about this passage a few weeks ago as I was studying it on my own and then our Pastor taught on it today! RAD! 

John 2

On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there.2 Now both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. 3 And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no wine.”

4 Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me? My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Whatever He says to you, do it.”

6 Now there were set there six waterpots of stone, according to the manner of purification of the Jews, containing twenty or thirty gallons apiece. 7 Jesus said to them, “Fill the waterpots with water.” And they filled them up to the brim. 8 And He said to them, “Draw some out now, and take it to the master of the feast.” And they took it. 9 When the master of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the master of the feast called the bridegroom. 10 And he said to him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now!”

11 This beginning of signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory; and His disciples believed in Him.

      Jesus respectfully called His earthly mother, "Woman" signifying the shift in focus and ministry.  From her son to her Savior.  Mary's last recorded words in the Bible are beautiful and challenging all at the same time.  "Whatever He says to you, do it."  Often to put action to those words is to be uncomfortable. There was serious work to be done in filling those 6 pots.  Something like 180 gallons of water and at 8 lbs. a gallon they had their work cut out for them.  God didn't have to let them in on the work but if He didn't they wouldn't have been let in on the secret miracle that day either.  By God's grace He enjoys letting us in on His work.  To obey, may require us to do some mondain activities whether we feel like it or not.  Weather we can see the fruit of it swiftly or not!  AH, such a great message!  So the challenge was what is your water pot?  What do you need to do that looks ordinary and uncomfortable to be obedient? 

     I'll tell you what mine is.  Its stopping my agenda all day long and loving my kids.  Even thought I have 2 dishes left and I can be done with them. My pal of water is to stop and lead my child out of an emotional tantrum instead of yelling from across the room "get over it or get a consequence."  Its not being in a self-seeking mode but truly loving my family with out expectation of return.  

     There was a time of prayer after the service and there were wonderful prayers for the families of the fallen and marriage and so on and all I could think was, "I am so SHALLOW, I don't want to carry my pails of water!" 

     So, want to or not I have asked the Lord to help me and well up in me a joy in the "doing it."  I fully expect Him to say yes and empower me for the everyday tasked of being wife and mom. 

     What about you? Is there an ordinary, uncomfortable pal of water that you need to carry?  Is there something you know God is calling to?  I would echo the words of Mary and encourage you and myself today,

SNAP SHOT

 
     I have always loved taking pictures.  I love the digital camera's now and that you can take as many as you want and just delete whatever doesn't capture what you want.  I think most of us keep or post pictures that we like.  You don't often see a wall covered in terrible family pictures or the worst of the bunch.  We pick the best to put on display.  Normal, I do it you do it.  This has been said before but sometimes there is danger with blogs, face book and Instagram media because we see a snap shot in some one's life and assume we have the whole picture.  I bring this up because I am only ever able to share snap shot with you on my blog. There is a whole picture that includes wonderful things and terrible moments that go on in our home. I do strive to be REAL with this blog.  Paul and I are not perfect parents we constantly take comfort in the fact that God is gracious and faithful to redeem the things we are doing to screw our kids up.  Perfection can't be the goal as it is not attainable. Surrendering to and loving the Lord with all your hearts and teaching your kids how to do the same is the goal.  I just wanted to say that before I share a SNAP SHOT of something cool God is doing in our home right now.

Not our best family shot. You may notice there are no children in
 the shot they are there and one is screaming about having to stop
playing to take a picture. The whole family time in the snow
ended right after this as attitudes tanked. 

    I recently attended a woman's conference and the last speaker of the day hit me square between the eyes!  The truth and the way she shared it met me right were I was at.  I walked away strengthened for the life God has called me to.  I got to talk to her for a second.  I had planned on giving her a canvas but ended up with every book she has ever written as she just gave them to me!  One of them is called Beyond Bath Time.  If you are raising kids or want to one day I would encourage you to get and read this baby!  One of the question's she asked was what are you good at? How are you using that with raising your kids and be the mom God has made you to be, or something like that.

     Back to the conference there was a time when they played a song and a gal did the most beautiful sign language to it.  I felt a great stirring in my heart as she was signing...like part of me that was asleep for a long time woke up in inexpressible JOY!  I had forgotten how much I love sign language and that it is one of the few things that comes very naturally for me (also on the list balloon animals).
     My first thought with this awakened part of my heart was, "oh yeah I love that.  Maybe when my kids grow up I can take classes and interpret."  I began to pray about what to do with the incredible desire to sign again.  I say again because I have a brother with downs and was exposed to sign most of my life and learned it for my second language in high school.
     As I prayed and then read that question Erin posed in her book the Lord whispered, "teach your kids."  Maybe even one day they can have a play date with children who can't hear.

     So we got started!  We had already started memorizing 1 Cor. 13:4-8 because that is what Mommy needed to be working on!  We usually memorize scripture and make up hand motions, so this concept wasn't much different.  I got on line and found an great website with short video's of each sign.  Its called signing savvy.  They even have an app for my phone which I hope to purchase one day.  At breakfast each morning we eat and look up the signs for the next chunk of our scripture.  It is so rad how sign is often acting out what you would say with words.  So as I teach the signs I also get to explain the truth and give them ways to remember the sign with biblical backing.  This has brought such depth of conversation and fun into our little world.
   
      God creates each one of us on purpose.  He places in us talents and styles.  I will probably never be the kind of mom that bakes home made goods and delights my children with that wonderful experience on a regular basis.  I am the mom that makes homemade beef jerky to throw in there pockets and go on a hike up the creek!  One is not better than the other. In God's sovereign foreknowledge of what our kids will need invested in them He created us with styles and preferences.

In my natural bent of beef jerky creek Mom

     Having said that there is the other side of the coin.  Being willing to push past our comfort zone for the sake of others. My closest other's in my life right now are kids but this can apply to anyone in your life.  For example one of my dearest friends loves to bake with her girls and would love to do horses with them.  As I mentioned before I don't even think about baking on my own and I did do horses last week with my kids but not because I wanted to or even like horses.  I actually am indifferent about horses and they kind of scare me.

Not so natural Horse Mom

   
     So the challenge and encouragement is this. Is there something God wants you do in your life that is super natural for you and you could serve others with it.  And flip side, is there something you would not choose on your own that you need to be doing to love someone and invest into them.
     I hope you have a wonderful week and the Lord blesses you with many opportunities to love those around you with both sides of the coin.

In the THICK of it...I HATE NAP TIME!

     I like to post in the middle of a life issue.  I want you as my reader to know we are in this together.  This journey of loving Jesus, and that affecting everything we do in a day.  My days are filled with the blessed challenge of raising 3 extremely different individuals. I have Troy (almost 6), far beyond his years in some area's and very much a 6 year old little boy in all the rest.  As my parenting began with him I thought I was just an amazing Mom.  Which feed right into my pride perfectly since being considered a "good Mom" was a giant idol in my life.  After having Bear (now 4) who from the begging bucked almost every instruction given with out an ouch of care or repentance I realized much of my "parenting success" had more to do with my first born's innate desire to please.  My last dissuasion was thinking you could only get one strong willed child in a family.  Well, then came Abigail (2yrs. old).  We have referred to her as "she Bear" she has been stubborn like Bear but has this whole new set of emotions that I have never experienced in a child before. 
     Abigail has currently (during nap) gotten out of bed 3 times, hurt herself twice, had many pop pops and is now singing happy birthday.  She hasn't taken a nap in 4 days.  My first kid still takes naps at age 6.  Nap time challenges me. I find myself angry everyday. 
     I finally stopped today and asked the Lord what gives.  I hate nap time.  I don't like my children right now.  All I want to do is take an hour to do whatever I want with out being interrupted.  He was gentle but straight to the point. (which is why I have waited 4 days to talk to Him about it because I had a feeling He wasn't going to change my kids, but reveal something to me about me! Yay boo! But mostly yay cause I really do want to grow.)  So here it is. 
     Nap time isn't going to last forever.  Some day they will be awake all day. My expectations are getting me in trouble again.  It isn't to much to expect to wake up drink something hot, get in the word be filled with Him so that I can spend my ENTIRE day serving others.  That is a good life, well spent and full of blessing.  He also brought to mind the thought I have been thinking this Christmas season.  I realized I have made Troy our oldest, a kind of the standard that I measure the other two up against.  I trust I am not the only Mom who has done this.  I was thinking about the Mom, Mary.  Her first experience with raising a toddler was Jesus.  A perfect sinless toddler.  Right? I'm laughing too.  Cause as much as I would love to relate to that, I just can't! Imagine with me the whiplash in her day when #2 came along and his or her sin nature started showing up.  If she measured all her children next to Jesus they would have a miserable home!  

     God has been whispering to me to take each child one at a time all day long.  By "take" I mean train, show affection to, connect with, challenge, encourage, teach...individually.  I know this is parenting 101 but some where in being pregnant or nursing for 5 years straight I got into this habit of parenting that does not look like the Father.  I want to parent my kids the way God parents me.  He searches me and knows me. Doesn't compare me EVER to another.  He knows my laying down and my rising up. (Ps. 139)  I often have no clue how I am to parent each kid but the rad part is that you don't have to have your act together to be a "good Mom" you can just ask for wisdom one issue, or one day at a  time.
     In my furry  this afternoon I did finally stop and ask for wisdom.  I went into find Abigail under her mattress.  God whispered give her a reason to be still.  I genitally wrapped up here WaWa (stuffed puppy) in a baby blanket and quietly told Abi to please hold WaWa, that she hasn't taken a nap in 4 days and is so very tired.  I haven't heard a noise since.  Now does that mean it will work tomorrow...probably not but God has fresh new tricks and ideas for me for tomorrow.  I can trust Him for the wisdom and help I need tomorrow. 
     So there you have it.  I am in the thick of it.  I desire to parent my children as individuals. An ideal we planned on before having kids.  I know that God can teach me and that He will. 
     Happy parenting or being a wife or being a student or whatever you are doing today.  If you need wisdom.  Ask!  He loves to give it to us! 

JAMES 1

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. ⁸ Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

This me with my napless wonder! Abigail. 

Bear         Me         Troy

The Frame

     I had seen on Pintrest people taking goddy vintage frames, painting them and putting a chalk board inside.  I love to make old thing new a beautiful.  I wasn't able to go out and spend any money on a frame.  When that happens I usually ask the Lord to provide.  He did!  I was driving in our neighbor hood and a family had a sign out that said "free." I pulled over and just as I did the gal put this ugly thing on the grass. 

I quickly snatched it up as my heart nearly burst from how personal God was being with me at that very moment.  He also provided a bag of Easter eggs and new mason jars as my kiddo's have been breaking ours lately.  Three things I had specifically asked God for and He gave them to me in this wonderful way. 

     I got right to work.  I picked out a color that I thought would look good in Abi's room and started spray painting.  Abi loved it just as much as I didn't with an approving, "petty Mom!" (pretty Mom)  It took me a couple of days of light layers of paint snuck in between my regular life duties.  I enjoyed every moment of the process. 

      Here's were all that I have been learning about Humility and Rest came into play.  I finished the painting and brought the frame it to hold up to Abi's grey wall.  I love grey and yellow together.  So did she.  Together we got excited about how "petty" it was.  Just then the frame slipped out of my hand as it hit the ground. The brittle plastic broke into several pieces.  In that moment my mind spun with thoughts.  The first of which was, why would You give me this thing making me feel so loved just to take it away.  My second thought was, OK this is when I choose humility and just accept the circumstance You allowed and don't freak out.  So I didn't freak out.  A normal response for me in a situation like this, because there have been plenty would have been, crying, discouragement, and figuring out how because I'm stupid it was all my fault.
     It took all of 5 seconds to have these thoughts and be surprised at my own lack of freaking out.  As I stood there stunned that my frame was on the ground in pieces and stunned that I was OK with it, my sweet 2 year old little girl said,"Broke Mommy, Broke."  I looked at her and sadly said, "Yes, Abi it broke."  A few moments went by and I hear her voice again, I looked up to see her with her head to the side, a concerned look on her face and these words, "sordy Mommy" (sorry Mommy).  That was it. That was what God was doing with the frame.  I still feel loved that I got it from someone giving things away on their lawn.  I thought the end purpose was to hang it in my daughters room but it wasn't it was for "sordy Mommy." She was so compassionate in that moment. God spoke to my heart right then and said, "you just saw what I see in her, now cultivate it."

      Now I have no idea how to cultivate compassion in a little girl but I am confident as I remember to ask God to show me that He will give me the wisdom.  I kept a little piece of the frame and hung it above her bed to remind me of the very specific quality that God showed me in here.  Its still disappointing to not get to finish my project and have that fun wall piece in her room but I would take what God did in me and showed me about Abigail over a Pintrest project any day.

Milk

This might be helpful if you have little people in your house that want to pour their own milk. I get one of these "kid milks" and its been a successful trick so far. When its empty I just refill it. Happy pouring!

Jazz Hands!

     While I was in SD this summer I had a friend comment that Face Book can be so distracting to doing what God has called us to in our own families.  There is the tendency to become a show off Mom.  The more I thought about her words the more the Spirit said to my heart, "that is you."   Oh man!  Dang it!  It totally was me.  I would put pictures on my FB or Instagram of the "amazing" things I was doing as a Mom because I was worshiping the approval of people!  The moment I realized I was a show off Mom, it almost made me sick.  I asked God to forgive me,why do I do this, and were did it come from.  He comforted me with Phil. 2:3-4, "Don't be selfish, don't try to impress other's, be humble. Think of others as better than yourself."  The kids and I had been memorizing this scripture for a few weeks...you know with hand motions and everything.  It was so rad that the truth was already in my heart with some great elementary visuals.  As the kids and I say, "don't try to impress others" we throw our jazz hands in the air.  That's what I had done with my social media outlets.  I was being a "Jazz hands" Mom.  This scripture was encouraging because if its in Scripture not to do it, you can rest assure your not the only one struggling with it.  For me the motive to Jazz or impress came from a fear of not being good enough, this way of thinking was recently challenge by all that I learned about grace, so showing off wasn't doing it for me any more.  The timing of teaching Phil. 2:3-4 to my kids, my friend's comment and the work of the Spirit in it all culminated in to powerful conviction.  There were several other areas in my life that I started noticing myself get out my jazz hands.  (Side note, growing  up in theater you would use jazz hands in dancing. Arms out, fingers out and give them a good shake and you have jazz hands.)  So as I could no longer get away with such a sad little show, I felt God's leading to study humility.  I went on a pushed it to the back of my heart cause lets face it there is nothing more unnatural to our flesh than humility.  Finally a month later God has graciously shown me my need for humility once again.   Humility affects all of your relationships.
     With out humility I don't abide in Christ, without humility I  make my plans but don't bother to ask God to direct my steps.  With out humility I am offended easily, with out humility I think highly of myself and not of others as better than myself.  Humility affects even the most basic of foundations. Salvation comes by receiving. Before humility we might think its a big deal that we received Christ and it is. In Humility we realize its a bigger deal that He received us.
     I recently learned much about GRACE.  Now that I know and have experienced just how liberating grace is I am motivated to begin to understand why and how to put on this garment of humility because "God resist the proud, but give grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5
If i want to continue to enjoy the grace that if so freely given I think I'm gong to need to wrap my heart around this concept of humility and put my jazz hands away for good.  I am looking forward to what God will reveal to me though His word and life experience on becoming more like His Son in this area. As I learn I will share.
Ps. not every post about our family life has been tainted with pride, just some :)

Me and my family, we never get a good shot on the first try.