GAZE

    So I aloud myself some time to process and sing and let God minister to me beyond my time before the kids got up.  Abi hung with me and the boys emptied the dishwasher of dirty dishes, put them all away (oops, initiative gone wrong) and watched a movie.
    We did not get the job and God gave me the song I shared in my last Post.  Often from paper to music words change but God gave me a new song! It has been years! This song isn't just about God saying no to this job. It is about how do we handle Him saying no to us at all. I have tried it both ways. I have done the angry and asking why! To no one in my homes benefit and I am doing it with meekness this time. By God's grace! I don't think that asking why is nessarily wrong...its a heart matter. How are we asking why and to what end. God gives me songs for me. To "broken record" truths into my heart when I need them most. I share them because I am confident that I am not the only one struggling with these life issues. I pray you are blessed, challenge, or healed with this. What ever God has in store for you.
I sing of turning my gaze from God's hand (what I want Him to give me) to His face (just Him). I am finding that life is not getting easier. I just NEED Him. I want circumstances to be better but I NEED Him.
Ah, no make up, no editing and baby in the back round...real life mom worshiping Jesus.

GAZE

What do I do with paralysis of soul
I was confident of yes but You said no
So now I grapple with Your will 
Am I to believe that You love me still

Yes or no turn my gaze 
From Your hand and to Your face

Maker of good and glory
Even when You put no in my story
How I long to ask the why 
But this time I choose silence for Your glory

Yes or no turn my gaze 
From Your hand to Your face

Disappointment cracks my heart 
You wrap me with Yourself
My world is torn apart
You bind me with Yourself 

THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN

     Between our first and second boy we lost a baby. I wasn't as far along as some so for some reason I didn't think I had the right to grieve. I asked God to help me grieve because a loss is a loss no matter how far along. He did help me. I wrote this song and would just play it and sob. I share it now to hopefully encourage those who have had the same loss to grieve and that that God will hold you through it if you let Him. We don't always get to know why but God's love for you is not less because He allows something so devastating. I would not have my precious #2 if we hadn't lost the baby I am singing about. Our lives would be so different with out him. He is such and extreme delight. 

 If we had not lost the baby I am singing about. Our lives would be so different with out him. He is such and extreme delight. 

More to come....You know when I find some more quiet time :)