And then the Sheets!

   

One of the sweeter moments lately! Our 3 helping pack!

     This season has been interesting!  It is so much better that being unemployed, putting life on credit cards, and feeling like God has abandoned us.  Paul has a job.  It pays most of the bills.  We are now trusting God each day.  We have food to eat for now.  There will even be presents under our Christmas Tree!  I had a terrible weekend.  I am sick and hormonal so that may have played a part in it.  I just wrote the bible study DESPERATE and am being tested on if I am going to practice what I preach!  In the study I shared the wonderful truth that God's grace truly is sufficient for our weakness.  I was so week this weekend.  Not just with physical sickness but feeling DONE!  We have snuggled for so long in these tough financial circumstances.  It is stressful.  Not knowing if you are going to have a place for your babies to lay their little heads each month.  God has provided so graciously and abundantly through our church body and we are thankful.  The stress however had taken its tole and I was at a breaking point this last weekend.  I found myself getting mad at my husband for various things.  Some had weight to them and most was because he was there and in front of me.  When I get uncomfortable I tend to want to blame someone for it.  I know deep down I'll get no were blaming God (even though He is ultimately in control!) so Paul can often be the next best option.  I am not endorsing this course of action.  In fact don't do it!  It only leads to destruction in the marriage!  God showed me what I was doing and Paul was gracious.  We walk away from this weekend with a tender embrace and calm "lets do another week."
     We found out that the fire dept. is sending out letters in response to the 90 or so people who took the test with Paul to apply for the one 12 month temporary job.  Letters go out today.  So much is riding on this for us.  If he doesn't get an interview and ultimately the job then he will most likely have to give up the fire thing until we can get out of debt.  Working the factory job he has now doesn't pay the bills.  It will once we move but it will take several months to get back on top of them.  Working 50 hrs. a week doesn't allow him to get a second job to start paying off the debt with out giving up family time altogether.  He just couldn't keep volenteering and working like he is.  Our boys are going into a depression over not having time with Dad. Physically Paul can't do it all.  I know there are kids that do life with out Dad much more than ours, but there is a genuine problem happening with our oldest especially.
      We don't know if this job is Paul's or not.  We do know that we have done all we can do to be diligent and that God has a plan if this isn't it.  We have gone from feeling hopeless about a one in 90 shot to just boldly asking for what we want.  That has been cool to see God increase our faith.
     There was a point yesterday that I went up to our room and just balled.  In a pillow of course in hopes that my family didn't hear me!   I had to be desperate.  I went there.  I broke and told Jesus I need him.  I can't even breath under the pressure  and stress of it all.  I need Him.
     You guess it!  I was able to dry my tears get up from my soaked pillow and go make dinner.  I was even light hearted!  He did it!  God is my strength.  He guards my heart.  The stress is still there probably always will be but I have a shield to rest under and it is His grace. This is the POWER of Christ risen from the dead working in my life! It took that to get up and make dinner!  His strength is made perfect in my weakness!
     At the very end of the day yesterday Paul was fixing our sheet on the bed and it RIPPED! BLahahahahahah! He didn't think it was funny at first but after such a stressful weekend we got to laughing about it. The reason it wasn't funny at first is because we don't have another one. We got that set of sheets like 5-6 years ago. They have been great sheets but I'm not surprised they finally bit the dust!