ABIDEscripts

How it started:
I have always loved being creative.  My mom was always doing fun crafts with us as kids growing up and my Dad is a sign painter. Like - the man can do real fonts by hand!  I journal and take notes in church just like I  write on my canvas’  to help me capitalize on the theme of what God is speaking to me.  I had never thought much of it. One day I posted a picture of my giant "3x5 scripture note card" in my living room.  Its a chalk board that I write whatever truth God is having me focus on for the day.

A friend called me up to tell me how much she liked my "art."   I have never once in my life considered myself an artist – not  with a dad and older brother who usually bore the title in the family.  This friend asked if I would write out some scriptures for her so she could frame them and that she would pay me.  I was about to say of course I will write them out, but no way are you going to pay me when the Lord whispered to me., "This is Me saying yes."  He was saying yes to a very short very simple prayer from the day before.  "Lord is there a way I could make some money for my family."  We have had extremely hard financial times,  like so many other people, and extra's are just not in the budget.  My friend also had the idea to have a showing of my art  for me at her house.   I prayed much and believe God was leading me in this direction. So, nervous but obedient I started painting scripture on canvas.  I have never had more fun creating.  It is so natural and calm when I am doing it.  My favorite part is that I get to pray over each piece and for the eventual families that may hang them on their walls.  I have heard wonderful and hard stories and have had the privilege of partnering with these families in prayer.  God has moved in creating this business. There has been one blessing after another and I truly feel like the only thing I am doing is creating and being blessed. The most powerful thing God has given us this side of heaven is His word. He promises that it will accomplish what pleases Him and never go void. I love being a part of the Lord showcasing His eternal and powerful Word.

SO SHALL MY WORD BE THAT GOES FORTH FROM 

MY MOUTH;IT SHALL NOT RETURN TO ME VOID, 

BUT IT SHALL ACCOMPLISH WHAT I PLEASE,

AND IT SHALL PROSPER IN THE THING FOR 
WHICH I SENT IT ~ISAIAH 55:11

IDENTITY MUG

     Usually when I sit down to write I feel like I am coming out of my skin over an amazing truth that is rocking my little world.  This morning is different I have a sober joy.  My heart is calm and I desperately want to be able to articulate clearly the concept that God is teaching.
     Recently in the bible study I am in we have been going back over each section of our life and noticing God's work in it. You might think that would be really fun and it was until I got to age 11. That tender age when I loved my life, innocents and joy was abundant and then I was molested.  More than the physical the emotional and mental aspects of this experience have been what affect me to this day.  God has healed much already and I am so thankful for it.  He has even used my testimony in other girls and women's lives.  There was more work to be done.
     I have been sharing on FB about this new adventure of scripture art on canvas that I have been blessed to do.  I was encouraged to sell something that has aways been an extension of worship in my life.  It has been sooo much fun.  The business is called Abide Scripts.  I had a showing at "vision caster's" house last weekend.  I really wanted to honor the Lord with our time together so through much prayer I decided to share my testimony, sing an original song and lead some worship.  Just go on and share all my gifts at once.  As I prepared for sharing my life story I was asking the Lord what is the point of what I am to share.  The point I hope I got across was this.  When I was 11 a terrible thing happened to me.  In the after math I came away believing that God was good just not good towards me. That I was not worth protecting so I had better hurry up and do what it takes to be worth His love.
     Suggesting lies to our private thought life is something the enemy has been doing since the garden. Challenging God's love and care for us.  If we don't know who God is and who we are to Him we can't hold the purpose He has created us for.
     Its like filling a mug with boiling water and a tea bag to brew and it having cracks all over it.  Not only can the mug not hold hot water long enough to get a good brew, but if someone was to pick it up they might even get burnt.  There is still some tea brewed in this cracked identity mug but its not producing its full potential.  In like manner, what we believe about ourselves and God is how we will behave. How we behave determines our quality of life. I want some good tea!
     Yesterday, I sat down with my Mother in Love for some encouragement with Homeschooling Troy. Basically we are getting the work books done but not having any fun and this is not the experience Paul and I talked about creating for our kids learning.  She asked me one question, "what lie are you believing that makes you think you can't deviate from the work books?"  Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I burst into tears.  I am afraid that I'm gong to screw my kids up because I'm not good at academics.  I am afraid to trust God to equip me to do what He has called me to do and do it His way.  This may seem like a random bit of story but it ties in with the lie I have been believing that " I LACK."  I lack being smart, I lack what it take for God to love me...and so on.  So it was time to believe the truth.  I left her house with a challenge to do business with the Lord about my identity.  I also got to leave all my kids so business was fast in a car all by myself!
     This is when God gave me the visual of the mug.  I told Him out loud as I drove, "Ok, I get it, my mug is cracked!  How do we patch it up?"  So gently He said back to my in my heart, "No, stop. We are not patching. I am giving you a new mug."  My entire being froze in peaceful surrender.  "Yes, Lord that sounds good!"
     Several scriptures of who I am in Christ came to mind but the great part is I went on and believed them!  This is so much more fun than believing the lie.  God used one of the canvases I just did to speak to my heart. Ps. 23 "The Lord is my Shepherd, I LACK NOTHING! "
     I snagged a $1 mug to make myself a visual.  I planned on painting it black and writing my identity on it and filling it with what God says about me.  This morning I thought I'm going to look up what my name means.  I thought it meant wealthy.  I looked it up and it said: Rich, God beholds!  For a girl that has believed I wasn't worth looking after to know that I am beheld by God is some sweet healing.
     Ok, so now I pass on the challenge...are you believing any mug cracking lies the enemy has suggested to you lately or in your past?  Do you need a new mug completely?  Let brew some tea!

This was the canvas the got me!

.

Skipping

     I have been sharing my journey with you my beloved reader for a while now...The most recent game changers for me have been foundational concepts like GRACE and HUMILITY.  These have been life changing for me as I live by the truth of them fueled by God's word.  As exciting and freeing as these have been I had no idea that next God would teach me something that would bring a new level of adventure and peace all at once.  FAITH.  We know that without faith it is impossible to please God, we must believe that He is and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him. (Heb.11:6)
     This too changes everything.  The first time I took a "spiritual gifts test" I was 19 years old and in the Horizon School of Evangelism.  I scored a whopping 0 on the faith section. (these tests aren't the end all be all but they can be a helpful tool if implemented properly).  While we were serving at the Church in Sacramento and I was 27 years old we took one of these test.  Again 0 on faith.  That time it bothered me.  At 27 I have been walking with the Lord for many years and knew that faith should be something stronger in my walk with God.  So I prayed.  "Lord, I don't know how to get more faith but I don't seem to have much.  Would you change that."  He said yes. I just didn't know when I prayed that that God was going to need to unravel my entire belief system so He could put it in His order.  We went through the darkest days of my entire life for about 2 1/2 years.  I learned things about His goodness that I don't think I would have ever believed unless He aloud be to get to the end of myself.
     So now that I understand His grace (more but not completely) and see the value in humility it is time to trust His goodness.  As I have been coming to Him in active, right now belief, things are changing in how I interact with Him.  I read scripture and its different...it is real and alive like never before.  When I read about Jesus when He was here on earth its like reading about a dear friend and enjoying the wonderful things about him a new and fresh.  When I pray I am like TALKING TO GOD!  I must explain.
     Growing up in a christian world and being so insecure of my own identity I learned "how to pray" with out actually talking to God.  I figured out the right things that sounded good and could "pray" something beautiful without actually connecting with God in my heart/mind while the words would grace my lips.  Eek, that was a vulnerable confession, hopefully there is at least one reader who relates and if not I'm OK with revealing how sallow I could be at times because God has changed and redeemed me in this area.  It is so fun to go to God in prayer now.  I finally understand things like praying scripture and why that's powerful.
     Huh, when I sat down to write my plan was to share about how to have more faith and the advantages.  Who am I to know exactly how this would come about in someone else's life with God. Here's what I do know.  If you desire the things I have shared about with prayer and scripture being alive to you....you can have it!  It is part of what God says is ours in Eph. 1:3.  "He has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ."  The thing I didn't realize is that  Faith is a fruit of the Spirit already living in me.  I really have all the blessing I need right now to live an exciting victorious life with Jesus this side of heaven.  Am I going on and getting them?  Jesus is always ready to lead us by hand into His treasure room. Are we by grace with humility and in faith grabbing His warm hand and as a child and skipping along side Him to got get and enjoying all that He died to freely give us? I want to more and more.

2 Cor. 2:14

OFFENDED

   

Troy and me just before moving to Sac. 

     When Troy our oldest was 2 months old we moved from San Diego to Sacramento.  We had desired our whole marriage (3 1/2 yrs) to get back into "full-time ministry."  I use quotes because we have learned since that any life surrendered to Christ is "full-time ministry" and a church job doesn't give you any extra "Holy points" that working at a factory.  At the time we desired to work at a church.  God said yes and we moved our little family to Sacramento.  In our two years there we encountered many difficulties.  We had a wonderful group of teens that we got to love on and do live with and to this day we cherish them.

Paul at camp with the youth

There came a point that we needed to step down and it was on the basis of right and wrong.  We believed we were acting in obedience to the Lord.  It did not go well, to put it lightly.  We came away from the experience extremely wounded.  We moved back to Kentucky and into the up stairs of Paul's parents with Troy and now Bear at 3 months old.  After 8 months we were able to get into our own place and start a construction business.  It failed and we found ourselves in complete financial ruin.  I can not begin to express the devastation we felt.  Our perspective at the time was, " Great, Lord we obey you and this is what we get?!"  I know arrogant but so human.  On top of it all we found out we were pregnant with Abigail at a time that we couldn't even feed 2 kids let alone 3!  These were the darkest days I have ever experienced.  I felt abandoned by my God afflicted with a pregnancy were I threw up several times a day the entire 9 months and abandoned by my husband.  I say I felt. Paul, didn't go anywhere and he was amazing with our boys, being consistent in his wonderful parenting and playing with them.  Paul was wrestling so hard with God in his own way over all the same circumstances that he didn't have anything left for me emotionally.  I don't share this to be disrespectful just to paint the picture of my devastation.  God has redeemed our marriage and their isn't an ounce of resentment in either of our hearts over the some of the poor choices each of us made in those dark days.  So the thing I valued most in my life, my connection with my man was gone.  I was ANGRY!  I was more than angry I was OFFENDED!  Big time.  How could God allow such terrible to happen to me when I have spent my whole life serving Him and trying to know Him more.  It was a crisis of faith and I didn't have the foundation I needed to weather it well.  The foundation I speak of is the belief that God is good and good towards me.  With out faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He is and that He rewards those to earnestly seek Him.  (Heb. 11:6)  I could quote that all day long and had know idea what it meant.  I believed He was good but not good towards ME.  As a young girl I loved Jesus with that wonderful pure childlike faith, then He allowed me to be molested at age 11 and I knew full well He could have saved me from that and didn't.  I had felt abandoned and "less than" ever since.  How precious of the Lord to allow the idol of my husbands connection and affection to be taken out so that I could deal with a long standing lie that affected the very core of how I interact with Him and everyone else.
     As a result of not being able to reconcile God's love with His "lack of protection" as a child I have lived out my christian walk mildly offended with Jesus.  Of course there is conflict with this perspective in all the promises of scripture.  I had been fearful to believe God's promises for myself because I didn't want to be let down or made to look like a fool.  God's goodness is the foundation that we have to believe in order to weather the storms of this life.  They will come, it rain's on the just and the unjust but that doesn't change who God is.
     I came across this articulation of my problem while doing my Beth Moor study Believing God. In my home work I was to look up Matt. 11:1-6 ( you can find this chuck of scripture at the end of the post.) What is happening is John the Baptist had sent men to check with Jesus if He was really the Christ the One he had spent his entire life getting ready to prepare the way for.  John was probably wrestling with a similar dilemma of if You are Who I believe you are that you can totally get me out of prison but you choose not to.  Jesus assured him that He was and said, "Blessed are you if you are not offended with Me."  Most of us have or are going to go through something we know God is big enough to fix and He will choose not to.  What then?  We have two choices, get angry and offended or get blessed because by faith we choose to not be offended at His sovereign choice that we do for the life of us understand.  Remember, that faith is safe because He is good and good towards us.
     This changed everything for me.  As I go through life and am acutely aware that what ever comes my way is sovereignty allowed by God and He will use it for my good (because I love Him and am called according to His purpose. Rom. 8:28) I no longer have to brace for impact.
     This last round of impending joblessness for my husband was so much less stressful because I have been believing that God is good and good to ME.  His promises in scripture apply to ME.  Even if Paul doesn't get a job that pays all the bills even if we aren't able to stay in our current house, again.  There is such peace and reward in Trusting my good God.
     I'd love to end with that and say I have it down and practice it consistently...I don't and I don't. But the truth has set me free to gain more ground more quickly in my heart/mind.  That is worth getting excited about!
     Beloved reader. Is there anything you are offended over that Jesus has allowed.  I implore to surrender it to Christ and believe He is good and good to YOU.

MATTHEW11

1Now it came to pass, when Jesus finished commanding His twelve disciples, that He departed from there to teach and to preach in their cities.

² And when John had heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of^[a] his disciples ³ and said to Him, “Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?”

⁴ Jesus answered and said to them, “Go and tell John the things which you hear and see:⁵ The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. ⁶ And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.”

EMS interview

    More news! Man, things are just happening rapidly. Paul got some word about the EMS job. Oct. 11th is his test and interview date. He will take a written and physically test and then have a panel interview. This job would be great in that it is a city job with benefits and he would be working in his desired field. Down side is the hour and a half drive to get to work. So we would love prayer. Thank you.

Swift Answer

OK, So I last posted about our upcoming joblessness on Friday.  We didn't even make it to Friday. Paul's supervisor approached him Monday and asked if he would like a 30 day extension on his contract!  His boss and the boss above that are so for Paul. Its a blessing. They understand that he is trying to get into fire full time and wanted to offer the month of work if it would help give him time to find another job.  Yes, please!  Tuesday Paul took his IFSAC2 test.  (If he passes it will enable him to apply to more fire jobs than he could with out it).  He felt good about it but wont get results for 2 weeks.  He continues to actively look for work. Wow Right! 
     Monday I was so blessed.  I was blessed that God provided.  I was blessed that I really hadn't waisted much heart and soul on worry (a new exciting thing for me) I was blessed that my man is willing to do what it takes to provide for us, Blessed!  Then Tuesday came.  Paul was gone for work, then gone for fire.  Wednesday, Paul was gone for testing and then home for a moment and about to be gone again for Fire again.  I finally broke down.  It had been building up.  I went from I can believe God to be good and good towards us with out knowing if we would even be in our house for another month to angry and poor me with in the span of a couple days.  I was sobbing at the thought of having to keep doing life the same way we have for the past year for another 30 days.   As I looked forward to the rest of the week and weekend that he will be at training for I calculated only a handful of family hours.  Often I'm fine doing what it takes while we don't have Paul around and then he's home for a couple hours and I waist it being depressed it isn't longer!  Down right stupid but so tough to break when its a habit.  As I fell apart in my self-pity my man scooped me up (it was nap time so i could actually talk).  He spoke truth to me.  Even though its tough at least its the same tough...we don't have to learn a new tough.  We know how to do this one.  If he was to get the EMS job in Louisville (no local friends we would not move right away and maybe not at all) it could be the perfect set up to get us through till then.  He proceeded to remind me what a privilege it is to get to stay home and raise our kids.  That I don't have to go to a job work and then come home and try to pour into their lives.  Oh how my heart lightened as he spoke the soothing truth and lead me down the path of thankfulness!  I am so thankful for my man and so humbled at the frailty of my humanity.  I am so thankful for all the hard and terrible that he and I have been through in recent years that has brought us to this season.  A season not of ease but of faith and endurance.  God is so faithful to continue to keep working on us!  To Him be the glory! 
     After the nap Paul had to go do his EMT thing so I decided to get the rest of us outside. We went to the park. The kids gathered treasures for their Dad and we even found a Luna Moth Caterpillar when we got home. Luna Moths are my fave! 

Treasures

He is good and good towards me

     My hearts desire is for this blog to edify the body of Christ.  I want the things I write about to be encouraging and cause you my beloved and prayed for reader to draw nearer to Jesus in your own walks with Him.  I hesitate to write about our life circumstance right now thinking it won't be encouraging.  Then is struck me.  This is real life.  I do want to share even in the very pivotal moments not just after.
     So here is were we are at.  Paul has worked a factory job for a year now.  He had a contract through a temp agency.  We have been so thankful for this job as it has paid all our bills and God has blessed us with other things like food and clothes so creatively.  It has been wonderful to have steady income after two years of a major lack of income.  Paul has one week left on his contract.  Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday he is done.  Turn in the uniform and he no longer has that job.  He has worked diligently at applications and interviews all to no avail yet.  He is taking a test this Tuesday for fire qualifications that would enable him to apply for several fire jobs in the area.  He continues to search for work and is studying hard and progressing in his fire skills.  It has been a long year of getting up at 4 am. 6 days a weeks.  Many evenings he would come home shower and go right back out the door to get the EMS hours he need to put himself in a better position to be hire by a fire dept. We are physically weary.
     The exciting part is that we are peaceful as well.  Not every moment of the day but peaceful.  There is still joy and fun in our home.  God has gotten hold of our hearts so deeply on the issue of His goodness and goodness towards us that we are determined to trust Him in this extremely unknown time.  God is good.  His goodness does not always equal our comfort.  Our desire is to not hit another level of hard but we know that if that is what He allows He will also supply the grace we need to continue to worship Him in it.
     My prayer for months was, "God how do I know brase for impact."  With this job ending. His answer is FAITH.  Active faith right now.  Faith that believes God at His word and is willing to let go of EVERYTHING else. There can be no "else" in a walk of faith.  Just Jesus.  He is good and good towards me is something I have to say over and over right now just to get through the day.  I know I am wallowing in unbelief when I get angry.  Though this is an uncomfortable red flag for my family I am recognizing my flesh faster and pressing into the truth faster!  God has been so patient and gracious with me as I learn to trust Him.  To take God at His word affects everything.  For me it most affects my emotional consistency and stability.  I still struggle and that is when I cry out, "help my unbelief." And He does.  Some how, after I cry out (several times a day) He meets me, calms my fears and speaks His soothing truth. He is good and He is good towards me.
     So that's me and Jesus today.  Wanted to share while in the process before what ever happens next happens.  I pray for each of you that read this blog.  I pray that whatever trial or test is happening in your life that you will take God at His word and believe His love for you no matter what the world or your circumstances try to sway you other wise.  You are cherished and closely cared for by the One who renews and strengthens the weak.

Is. 40:27-31

Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
²⁸ Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
³¹ But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Took the kids on a hike all morning so Paul could have a quiet house for study. 

Cheesy kids! 

Daddy Spider

Strike a pose! 

Even fungus is beautiful! Good one Lord! 

Me and the girl resting. While the boys pee around the corner. 

Loving not carrying anyone anymore! 

Never happier that when I'm out side enjoying God's creations, including our 3.

I couldn't resist!

The Frame

     I had seen on Pintrest people taking goddy vintage frames, painting them and putting a chalk board inside.  I love to make old thing new a beautiful.  I wasn't able to go out and spend any money on a frame.  When that happens I usually ask the Lord to provide.  He did!  I was driving in our neighbor hood and a family had a sign out that said "free." I pulled over and just as I did the gal put this ugly thing on the grass. 

I quickly snatched it up as my heart nearly burst from how personal God was being with me at that very moment.  He also provided a bag of Easter eggs and new mason jars as my kiddo's have been breaking ours lately.  Three things I had specifically asked God for and He gave them to me in this wonderful way. 

     I got right to work.  I picked out a color that I thought would look good in Abi's room and started spray painting.  Abi loved it just as much as I didn't with an approving, "petty Mom!" (pretty Mom)  It took me a couple of days of light layers of paint snuck in between my regular life duties.  I enjoyed every moment of the process. 

      Here's were all that I have been learning about Humility and Rest came into play.  I finished the painting and brought the frame it to hold up to Abi's grey wall.  I love grey and yellow together.  So did she.  Together we got excited about how "petty" it was.  Just then the frame slipped out of my hand as it hit the ground. The brittle plastic broke into several pieces.  In that moment my mind spun with thoughts.  The first of which was, why would You give me this thing making me feel so loved just to take it away.  My second thought was, OK this is when I choose humility and just accept the circumstance You allowed and don't freak out.  So I didn't freak out.  A normal response for me in a situation like this, because there have been plenty would have been, crying, discouragement, and figuring out how because I'm stupid it was all my fault.
     It took all of 5 seconds to have these thoughts and be surprised at my own lack of freaking out.  As I stood there stunned that my frame was on the ground in pieces and stunned that I was OK with it, my sweet 2 year old little girl said,"Broke Mommy, Broke."  I looked at her and sadly said, "Yes, Abi it broke."  A few moments went by and I hear her voice again, I looked up to see her with her head to the side, a concerned look on her face and these words, "sordy Mommy" (sorry Mommy).  That was it. That was what God was doing with the frame.  I still feel loved that I got it from someone giving things away on their lawn.  I thought the end purpose was to hang it in my daughters room but it wasn't it was for "sordy Mommy." She was so compassionate in that moment. God spoke to my heart right then and said, "you just saw what I see in her, now cultivate it."

      Now I have no idea how to cultivate compassion in a little girl but I am confident as I remember to ask God to show me that He will give me the wisdom.  I kept a little piece of the frame and hung it above her bed to remind me of the very specific quality that God showed me in here.  Its still disappointing to not get to finish my project and have that fun wall piece in her room but I would take what God did in me and showed me about Abigail over a Pintrest project any day.

Milk

This might be helpful if you have little people in your house that want to pour their own milk. I get one of these "kid milks" and its been a successful trick so far. When its empty I just refill it. Happy pouring!

Humility & Rest

     My man works 6 days a week and volunteers at the fire department on top of that.  We have started going to a Saturday night service for church.  It makes for a long Saturday but a glorious one whole day with no commitments. Maybe other stay at home Mom's have run into this.  Hubby just wants to do nothing on his day off and Wife just wants to go do something on the day off. Now my man is amazing  at going on adventures and making them so fun. Every once in a while he asks, "can we just not do anything on Sunday this week."  Just the question sends me spinning with disappointment and dread of the day off.  Its not that he is asking can I keep to myself and not spend time with the family.  He just doesn't want to go on some grand adventure.  He's rather play legos or tea party at home. Not something I should be upset about.  It came to my attention last weekend when the request was made and we stayed home and I acted like a toddler who wasn't getting what she wanted.....I DON'T know how to REST!  Oh man!  That's kind of a big deal and I have always chalked it up to "personality" or "Mom cabin fever."  The truth is I have my own car I can and do get out quite enough (maybe to much).  I struggle with down time.  Feeling like time is always better spent being productive.  On down days I always end up getting a jump on chores for the next week thinking of my self better than my husband who is playing video games for the first time in 6 days or playing with our kids and just being with them!  EEK!!!  Gross!!!  So there is the problem.  A little long winded but I wanted to paint a proper picture of the situation.  The need for rest is build in me weather I like it or not.  Even the God of all rested on the 7 day.  How arrogant for me to think I don't need to or just to not do it because its uncomfortable to just stop.  Since that weekend I have been asking the Lord to show me how to rest.  Of course He has been faithful to do it.  What I didn't expect is that He would show me there are times to rest all through out every day, not just the day off.  Not only that, rest is totally connected to and impossible without humility 

Matthew 11:28-30 AMP

²⁸ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]

²⁹ Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls.

³⁰ For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good—not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.

     What! I totally know this verse by heart because I knew it had to be important but I didn't know how important!  This affects every second of our day!  It takes humility to "come to Him" and not just try to get it done our own way.  He lays it out.  Come to Him and he causes us to rest!  Oh, Lord that coming to You would be more reflexive for us!  I fight the simplest act of submission and humility.  The word Yoke means "beam of balance!"  Don't we all long for balance in our lives?  It starts with a simple act of going to Him.  I believe that this is what God is talking about when He tells us to, do justly love mercy and walk humbly with Him.  One step at a time, one moment at a time though out our day.  Going to him in all things.  This going of course doesn't mean having a quiet time for 4 hours while you ignore your kids.  It's more like in the midst of trying get 3 kids strapped into a tiny car, that you know you should be thankful you even have but its so stinkin hard to strap them in because the car seats are so tight. Everyone is talking or crying at once in your face because the car is so small you have to bend over all of them to strap the middle kid, one is pulling on your necklace that you have already fix 3 times because each child has broken it but you still want to wear it because even though you didn't get a chance to put make up on that morning you feel a little pretty with your favorite necklace on....in that moment in our heart/mind go to Jesus.  Some times all you say is keep me calm and you enjoy the rest He gives to help you address each need one at a time with our yelling at and shaming your kids for being kids. 

Wish I had a better picture, notice the over
lapping of the car seats.  Ps. I really am thankful for my car! 

     That is the kind of rest I have experienced so far.  Rest between me and Jesus, lest frustration with my kids and more power to handle the duties of the day. Cleaning the house is nothing compared to the duty of training up children.  Yet both need to get done in a fairly consistent manner.  There is rest to be had even in the craziest moments and the hardest circumstance.  We need grace for those times.  God gives grace to the humble.  As we go to Him in humility He will give us grace for the need and rest. Yay! 

Side note we have a 3 day weekend coming up and I am excited to put skin in the game on this rest thing. We will see how it goes! 

MODESTY

1 Peter 5:5

Likewise, you who are younger and of lesser rank, be subject to the elders (the ministers and spiritual guides of the church)—[giving them due respect and yielding to their counsel]. Clothe (apron) yourselves, all of you, with humility [as the garb of a servant, so that its covering cannot possibly be stripped from you, with freedom from pride and arrogance] toward one another. For God sets Himself against the proud (the insolent, the overbearing, the disdainful, the presumptuous, the boastful)—[and He opposes, frustrates, and defeats them], but gives grace (favor, blessing) to the humble.

     ^{When I hear the word modesty I usually think back to my young teenage years when my Mom, would make me do the bend over test to make sure the shorts we were about to buy weren't to short.  I never really thought about modesty beyond the outward.  Just as we dress our bodies each day we dress our hearts/minds.  We can cloth them with different attributes that bless our Jesus and make for a much more enjoyable life.  In 1 Peter 5:5 we are told to clothe ourselves with humility.  In looking closer at the fibers of the garment of humility I found that it is made of modesty. (Literally the Greek translation of humility is modesty) I looked up modesty in our English dictionary and man was I blessed by the definition. 
Modesty: Freedom form conceit or vanity
Conceit: A result of mental activity, favorable opinion;    especially excessive appreciation of one's own worth or value. 
Vanity: something that is vain, empty, or valueless.
     As I shared in the last post the Lord had been drawing my heart to study humility and I didn't want to because I didn't feel like denying myself about something else.  This is classic because in our flesh we think denying ourselves brings bondage but in reality if we are denying self for the purpose of worshiping Jesus more fully then the result will always be more FREEDOM!  Who doesn't love to be more free!  To not humble yourself before God is to choose bondage to conceit and vanity. Conceit and vanity will always put strain on our relationship with Jesus and others. ALWAYS! I know. 
     We are to clothe ourselves with modesty.  A right thinking about ourselves in relation to God and others.  That relationship is defined well in scripture.  I think that is a whole other study though. Blessings to you who are reading. Lets choose freedom today from vanity and conceit.} 

Troy did his Sister's hair! Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder!

Jazz Hands!

     While I was in SD this summer I had a friend comment that Face Book can be so distracting to doing what God has called us to in our own families.  There is the tendency to become a show off Mom.  The more I thought about her words the more the Spirit said to my heart, "that is you."   Oh man!  Dang it!  It totally was me.  I would put pictures on my FB or Instagram of the "amazing" things I was doing as a Mom because I was worshiping the approval of people!  The moment I realized I was a show off Mom, it almost made me sick.  I asked God to forgive me,why do I do this, and were did it come from.  He comforted me with Phil. 2:3-4, "Don't be selfish, don't try to impress other's, be humble. Think of others as better than yourself."  The kids and I had been memorizing this scripture for a few weeks...you know with hand motions and everything.  It was so rad that the truth was already in my heart with some great elementary visuals.  As the kids and I say, "don't try to impress others" we throw our jazz hands in the air.  That's what I had done with my social media outlets.  I was being a "Jazz hands" Mom.  This scripture was encouraging because if its in Scripture not to do it, you can rest assure your not the only one struggling with it.  For me the motive to Jazz or impress came from a fear of not being good enough, this way of thinking was recently challenge by all that I learned about grace, so showing off wasn't doing it for me any more.  The timing of teaching Phil. 2:3-4 to my kids, my friend's comment and the work of the Spirit in it all culminated in to powerful conviction.  There were several other areas in my life that I started noticing myself get out my jazz hands.  (Side note, growing  up in theater you would use jazz hands in dancing. Arms out, fingers out and give them a good shake and you have jazz hands.)  So as I could no longer get away with such a sad little show, I felt God's leading to study humility.  I went on a pushed it to the back of my heart cause lets face it there is nothing more unnatural to our flesh than humility.  Finally a month later God has graciously shown me my need for humility once again.   Humility affects all of your relationships.
     With out humility I don't abide in Christ, without humility I  make my plans but don't bother to ask God to direct my steps.  With out humility I am offended easily, with out humility I think highly of myself and not of others as better than myself.  Humility affects even the most basic of foundations. Salvation comes by receiving. Before humility we might think its a big deal that we received Christ and it is. In Humility we realize its a bigger deal that He received us.
     I recently learned much about GRACE.  Now that I know and have experienced just how liberating grace is I am motivated to begin to understand why and how to put on this garment of humility because "God resist the proud, but give grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5
If i want to continue to enjoy the grace that if so freely given I think I'm gong to need to wrap my heart around this concept of humility and put my jazz hands away for good.  I am looking forward to what God will reveal to me though His word and life experience on becoming more like His Son in this area. As I learn I will share.
Ps. not every post about our family life has been tainted with pride, just some :)

Me and my family, we never get a good shot on the first try. 

The Grace Pack

     Most of my walk with God has been exhausting.  I'll admit.  When I would hear people talk of freedom like it was real and the "load" being lifted I could never fully relate.  Sad right.  I have had times of lightness in my relationship with God and moments of freedom but usually to fallow is the heavy load of condemnation. "there is now therefore now no condemnation."  What?  I have often wondered why I can't seem to get ride of this driving need to be "perfect!"  I shared with my Mother-in-Love that grace seems like a foreign language to me.  I have the intellect but I lack implementing and enjoying the benefit.  She prayed for me after or conversation as she always does, and days later told me that in her praying she felt the Lord tell her that its not that I don't understand grace because I can explain it forwards and backwards.  Its that I don't receive it on a continual basis.
     Receive grace continually.  I had know idea what that means!  So I told God, I have no idea what she is talking about.  In the middle of a rough week (you know the hormonal one), I needed to take the dog out which was good since if I hadn't walked out the door I may have screamed at my kids one more time.  On my front law, dog pooping, near tears, I verbally said, " God is this it? Is this when I am supposed to receive grace?  But I don't know how or what that means.  So, by faith I receive it.  Pour it out.  Make it fruitful and helpful right now in this situation."  He DID!  I didn't feel any different but when I walked back into my house it was still full of 3 kids in the midst of conflict but I was settled.  If you have kids you know if Mama is settled and peaceful its half the battle. We ended up having a wonderful rest of the day.
     I love that God met me right in the rough moment.  I still desired to understand better.  So I kept asking.  God show me what it is to RECEIVE grace continually.  He said yes.  Yesterday morning there was conflict between my man and I.  Most of it was it was a direct result of yours truly walking in the flesh.  I pushed my man to the point of just wanting to go to work and get out of the house.  If you know anything about his work its really sad that he would rather be there than on the living room couch with me.  So I screwed up.  I don't usually have a problem knowing how I mess up its the "what to do with it" that I get tripped up on.  I had a choice to make.  Be super co-dependent and wait till he gets home to have peace and order restored in my world.  Or do business with God and trust Him for the resolve with my husband in His timing.   I thought I would do the trusting one cause I did not want our 3 to deal with the out come of me waiting.  Which would just look like angry Mama.  So I said, "Help me Jesus today, I confess my selfishness and believe You for my cleansing and receive your grace to move on from it."  All of the sudden it hit me!  "Lord, is that it?! I confess, You cleanse and I carry away Your grace which is easy and light.  Not my condemnation which is so heavy!"
     God gave me a picture of a girl going on a life hike.  (I love to hike) She has a day pack.  The pack is only big enough to carry what she needs for one day.  As she sins the pack gets heavy.  At any time she can whip it off and dump it out.  There on the forest floor she says," God this is my sin, would you take it from me."  Reflexively He says, "Yes of course, that's why I sent my Son."  With out thinking she would say thanks and then pack the heavy load all back in her pack and wonder why the hike was so hard.  That was before.   She finally got it!  The truth that Jesus spoke in Matt.11:28-30, Come to Me, all who labor (feel fatigue) and are heavy laden (over burdened with ceremony or spiritual anxiety) , and I will give you rest (like a reflex He refreshes) .  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and my burden is light.  Its easy and light because its GRACE! Now she notices the weight of her pack, remembering that she can dump it out she does, she again asks her reflexively, gracious God to take if from her and then she lets Him.  He doesn't leave her with an empty pack.  In wonder and a sweet peace that she is only a little familiar with she watches Him.  Carefully He re-packs.  In her one day pack she finds grace.  It's white and looks just like down feathers.  It has just enough weight so she doesn't forget its there but never tires her out. Which is great cause energy is so precious when you hike. She sets camp for the night. That was a good day. The next morning before she even gets started she does something new.  "Lord, could you fill my pack?"  There was the trail before this truth and there is the trail after. She rejoices as hiking just became so much more fun!

     Ps. Paul and I are just fine. I got to confess my sin to him, share what God showed me and we are back at enjoying one another again.

BEING BEAUTIFUL

     My entire life I have not believed I was beautiful.  If someone caught wind of this I was often told I need better self-esteem.  One boy growing up told me the most unattractive thing about me was that I didn't think I was beautiful.  There is much in the past that has lent to this thinking but bottom line this thinking is wrong.  The issue came up one more time last night in conversation with my husband and he was rightfully offended.  He said that he is genuinely attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful and for me to keep on believing this lie is like telling him that I think he made a bad choice.

     At first I thought, this isn't about you but God was graciously using him to get my attention.  If I am offending my husband the one that chose me to be family we have a problem.  We had gone to bed with out much resolve, I couldn't sleep so I got up.  I began to think and pray through my belief system on beauty.  For me it boiled down to a fear.  What if I believe I am beautiful my whole life and others are standing by thinking I am delusional.  I would be the fool.  I have often struggled with the idol of what others think of me.  So, I decided to study in the scriptures.  What dose God consider beautiful.  I knew right were to start because its something I pray for my daughter almost every single night.  Lord, would you teach Abigail to have a gentle and quiet spirit which is so valuable in Your sight. 

     but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:4 (American standard)

    Some versions say incorruptible beauty instead of apparel.  So God didn't say much about my style or the the latest make up trend or the sweet outfit idea's I see on Pintrest.  Earlier in 1 Peter 3 God says don't let your adornment merely be the out side things.  So its totally OK to enjoy fashion and looking nice. But what we put on our bodies or how skinny and fit we are DOES NOT determine if we are beautiful or not.  This is not new concept but I think it is one difficult to give ourselves fully to in light of the world we grow up in. 

     I desire to be beautiful and after my study of God's word He is redefining what beautiful is.

To God beauty is:

     A mild and humble disposition. A woman that can keep her seat and be still.  She is undisturbed and undisturbing, peaceable and quiet.  This is extremely expensive, and very precious to God.

God who has made heaven with streets of gold calls these things costly and expensive! This meekness and humility in the true biblical sense is not even possible apart from Christ.  Every single one of us is going to get old and no longer be considered "beautiful" in the eyes of mainstream media.  There is something more and completely untouched by the decay of time.   The hidden person of the heart. That comes with you after you die and determines your quality of life here on earth! 

      I was like a princess with beautiful gowns to wear and yet I snuck out of the palace to go live amongst everyone else to wear rags and call it beauty. 

     This is all new for me to actually believe what scripture says is beauty.  I look forward to how this will change my marriage, how I parent and how I value others.

self-portrate. 

DANCE WOUNDED

     We have talked about what it looks like to wait with God.  That it is a time to bind together and adhere to each other.  We have talked about how trials of this life are normal and even a healthy part of the human experience because if we go through them bound to Christ we receive much benefit.  The benefit being more intimacy with Jesus.  There is nothing that makes life more enjoyable the being intimate with Christ.  There is one more thing that I found in my study on waiting that I am just bursting to share.  Maybe it is dear to me because of my back round in Musical Theater I don't know but I love the word picture. 
     Jeremiah, wrote the book of Lamentations.  He was a prophet so that just means that God told him what was going to happen before it did.  God told him of judgement but also of redemption.  Many ask how can a God that judges be good.  I would humbly respond to that how can a God that doesn't judge be good.  There has to be a separation between good and evil.  With out it our entire existence is pointless.   Jeremiah laments over the condition of Israel in the Lamentations but there is this sweet spot in the middle of the book where the mercy and grace of God comes into focus. 
Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therfore I hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him, it is good that one should hope and wait for the salvation of the LORD. 
Lamentations 3:24-25

  The word HOPE is used twice in these two verses.  The first time the meaning is what we would most often think of the word hope to mean.  It is to wait, be patient, stay, tarry and to trust.  The second time it's used it means to twist or whirl in a circular or spiral manner, to dance, to writhe in pain, to grieve, to be in pain, trust, to wait carefully and to be wounded! 
     What!  How can one word mean to dance and be wounded at the same time!  That can often be what pressing on in this life looks like. 
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed- always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Cor. 4:7-10
     The encouragement today is to dance wounded. There is usually something that is painful happening. A loss of a dream, a person we love, health we once knew. Still because we have the hope of heaven and the desire for others to join us we dance. Twist and twirl in the hope we have. 

FIRE & WATING

     I often want a perfect life.  Anybody else with me?  Maybe its because we were created for perfection and will one day enter back into it (those who have accepted God's free gift of grace through belief in Christ death and resurrection to take care of the debt we owned for our sin).  I can get distracted by my desire for things to be perfect.  Living life with excellence is one thing, unrealistic expectations is an exhausting other.  When I say perfect I mean trial free.  I want easy.  Peter helps bring perspective to this kind of thinking in 1Peter 4:12, Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's suffering, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 

Huh, not quite what you want to hear if your going for easy.  This verse doesn't give way to easy but it is extremely validating, right?  We are not alone in the fiery trials of this life.  They are supper normal.  Accepting that can in and of itself relieve some serious stress.  It has for me.  So we know that trials are normal and that God's word has much to say about trials, how to handle them and their purpose in our lives.  I would like to just encourage you with a couple of truths on the matter. 
     As we have discovered in the last few days that waiting is not just holding out for relief from unresolved matters, it is a time of actively adhering and binding ourselves to Christ.  It is a time for intimacy and gentle help from God for our moment by moment life.  Waiting in and of itself can be the trial, as it is in our lives right now.  Or as I search the scriptures I find that in every trial there is an element of waiting.  The biblical waiting.  The active abiding in Christ.  It is possible to be tried and come out on the other end rejoicing to suffer with Christ!  Which is still a very new concept for me. 
     The books Isaiah and Lamentations have some pretty dark scenes.  Also woven through our are some bright nuggets of hope. A few that have to do with waiting in the trials are:
But those who wait (Bind together as in twisting) on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Is. 40:31
     A classic bumper sticker but such beautiful truth.  We need renewed strength daily!  For seasons of walking and seasons of running.  We get that renewal in binding ourselves to the Lord! 
The LORD is good to those who wait (bind together) on Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should hope and quietly wait (active waiting) for the salvation of the LORD. Lam. 3:25
     When God's word simply states something is "good," we will always benefit to pay attention.  In the midst of a trial that heats things up as fire does, it is "good" to bind ourselves to Christ. In Him, we will receive the peace and even joy to endure His style. My style involves lots of complaining and trying to figure it all our.  His style has a settle assurance that He is in control and that there is purpose in hard and terrible of this life. 
     There are so many deep truths in these verses I couldn't hope to unpack them all in just a few post. I pray reader you are build up to take one step at a time.  If you are in a season of fiery trial, you are not alone, there is relief in adhering and binding yourself to Christ.  It will always be in His intimate mercy that we find help in our times of need.  He stoops down to handle us gently. Leap into His embrace!  That will always look like spending time in the Bible, prayer and then being attentive to Him through out the very regular daily stuff we all have on our plate.  Press on and press in. 

24Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astounded and stood up in haste; he said to his high officials, “Was it not three men we cast bound into the midst of the fire?” They replied to the king, “Certainly, O king.”25He said, “Look! I see four men loosed and walking about in the midst of the fire without harm, and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods!”26Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the furnace of blazing fire; he responded and said, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, come out, you servants of the Most High God, and come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.27The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king’s high officials gathered around and saw in regard to these men that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them. Daniel 3:24-27