Perfect

     Just recently (like 6 months ago) God freed me from a lie. I was molested when i was 11 years old. Being molested and or raped at any stage in the game is a life before and life after event. The thing that was more confusing to me than the evil its self was why my Jesus who I loved and worshiped with all my 6th grade heart didn't protect me. I came to conclusion that would bind and damage my walk with God for years. I decided that He wasn't safe and that He must love everyone else more than me. Believing God's love for you...is a foundation stone that my faith needs in this life. For 20 years I would believe for a moment and then relapse into the "safety" of not being good enough and being the problem. Mix this with my tendency to be a peacemaker and people pleaser and you had a mess! I looked great to some who didn't really know my heart....It was often said of me, "Oh we don't have to worry about Jessie she is fine." (not by my parents but other adult figures) So it grew my need to have things perfect and in control (nothing makes you feel out of control like having an adult hurt you and Jesus "do nothing about it")
     6 months ago God deiced it was time to straiten out my thinking. We have struggled so much financially in the last 2 years I began to be extremely angry with God. Its is interesting to me that He would use "lack" to show me His abundance of love for me. (for some reason Jesus dieing on the cross wasn't enough for it to sink in for me) I got so sick of being angry
I finally got vulnerable enough with Him to do some real intense business. He revealed to me that I don't believe His love for me. It was one of the scariest things i have ever done but I told Him i would stop trying to figure it all out the why's and how come and just BELIEVE Him simply.
     Everything changed. It didn't take long at all. I stopped needing other peoples approval, I stopped putting unrealistic expectations on my husband, i was able to just do my best at life and not feel guilty all the time for not meeting a standard that i couldn't even see!!! Basically I stopped using the love of man as a substitute for the very enough love of my Savior. 
     I get the gospel like I never have before. I'm not working so hard at being perfect that I get easily offended when others aren't. I still struggle with life daily but having my thinking screwed on straight about the greatest life issue there is....much more peaceful.
    The thing that got me thinking about all this was i was going to write about what a wonderful night we had with some great new friends. The "Trailers" -Troy. The Taylor Family came over for dinner and in preparation i didn't do what i used to. I used to run myself ragged getting ready and wanting my everything to be perfect. AND IT STILL GOT DONE! My house was clean enough and the food was really good. Our fellowship was sweet. Because i wasn't in ugly perfect mode i had more of myself to give to Bear wetting the bed at nap, Abigail falling down all the stairs (Back to using gates ) and Duke getting into the freshly backed Pumpkin pie.
     Life believing the truth that God loves me and will use the terrible for my good and His glory is powerful. I will take it!

Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Gal. 5:1

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God and who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

YEP :(

Biggest Piece of cow i have ever broiled!

"Take a picture of me too Mom!"