BEING BEAUTIFUL

     My entire life I have not believed I was beautiful.  If someone caught wind of this I was often told I need better self-esteem.  One boy growing up told me the most unattractive thing about me was that I didn't think I was beautiful.  There is much in the past that has lent to this thinking but bottom line this thinking is wrong.  The issue came up one more time last night in conversation with my husband and he was rightfully offended.  He said that he is genuinely attracted to me, thinks I am beautiful and for me to keep on believing this lie is like telling him that I think he made a bad choice.

     At first I thought, this isn't about you but God was graciously using him to get my attention.  If I am offending my husband the one that chose me to be family we have a problem.  We had gone to bed with out much resolve, I couldn't sleep so I got up.  I began to think and pray through my belief system on beauty.  For me it boiled down to a fear.  What if I believe I am beautiful my whole life and others are standing by thinking I am delusional.  I would be the fool.  I have often struggled with the idol of what others think of me.  So, I decided to study in the scriptures.  What dose God consider beautiful.  I knew right were to start because its something I pray for my daughter almost every single night.  Lord, would you teach Abigail to have a gentle and quiet spirit which is so valuable in Your sight. 

     but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 1 Peter 3:4 (American standard)

    Some versions say incorruptible beauty instead of apparel.  So God didn't say much about my style or the the latest make up trend or the sweet outfit idea's I see on Pintrest.  Earlier in 1 Peter 3 God says don't let your adornment merely be the out side things.  So its totally OK to enjoy fashion and looking nice. But what we put on our bodies or how skinny and fit we are DOES NOT determine if we are beautiful or not.  This is not new concept but I think it is one difficult to give ourselves fully to in light of the world we grow up in. 

     I desire to be beautiful and after my study of God's word He is redefining what beautiful is.

To God beauty is:

     A mild and humble disposition. A woman that can keep her seat and be still.  She is undisturbed and undisturbing, peaceable and quiet.  This is extremely expensive, and very precious to God.

God who has made heaven with streets of gold calls these things costly and expensive! This meekness and humility in the true biblical sense is not even possible apart from Christ.  Every single one of us is going to get old and no longer be considered "beautiful" in the eyes of mainstream media.  There is something more and completely untouched by the decay of time.   The hidden person of the heart. That comes with you after you die and determines your quality of life here on earth! 

      I was like a princess with beautiful gowns to wear and yet I snuck out of the palace to go live amongst everyone else to wear rags and call it beauty. 

     This is all new for me to actually believe what scripture says is beauty.  I look forward to how this will change my marriage, how I parent and how I value others.

self-portrate. 

DANCE WOUNDED

     We have talked about what it looks like to wait with God.  That it is a time to bind together and adhere to each other.  We have talked about how trials of this life are normal and even a healthy part of the human experience because if we go through them bound to Christ we receive much benefit.  The benefit being more intimacy with Jesus.  There is nothing that makes life more enjoyable the being intimate with Christ.  There is one more thing that I found in my study on waiting that I am just bursting to share.  Maybe it is dear to me because of my back round in Musical Theater I don't know but I love the word picture. 
     Jeremiah, wrote the book of Lamentations.  He was a prophet so that just means that God told him what was going to happen before it did.  God told him of judgement but also of redemption.  Many ask how can a God that judges be good.  I would humbly respond to that how can a God that doesn't judge be good.  There has to be a separation between good and evil.  With out it our entire existence is pointless.   Jeremiah laments over the condition of Israel in the Lamentations but there is this sweet spot in the middle of the book where the mercy and grace of God comes into focus. 
Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therfore I hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him, it is good that one should hope and wait for the salvation of the LORD. 
Lamentations 3:24-25

  The word HOPE is used twice in these two verses.  The first time the meaning is what we would most often think of the word hope to mean.  It is to wait, be patient, stay, tarry and to trust.  The second time it's used it means to twist or whirl in a circular or spiral manner, to dance, to writhe in pain, to grieve, to be in pain, trust, to wait carefully and to be wounded! 
     What!  How can one word mean to dance and be wounded at the same time!  That can often be what pressing on in this life looks like. 
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us. We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed- always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 2 Cor. 4:7-10
     The encouragement today is to dance wounded. There is usually something that is painful happening. A loss of a dream, a person we love, health we once knew. Still because we have the hope of heaven and the desire for others to join us we dance. Twist and twirl in the hope we have. 

FIRE & WATING

     I often want a perfect life.  Anybody else with me?  Maybe its because we were created for perfection and will one day enter back into it (those who have accepted God's free gift of grace through belief in Christ death and resurrection to take care of the debt we owned for our sin).  I can get distracted by my desire for things to be perfect.  Living life with excellence is one thing, unrealistic expectations is an exhausting other.  When I say perfect I mean trial free.  I want easy.  Peter helps bring perspective to this kind of thinking in 1Peter 4:12, Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's suffering, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 

Huh, not quite what you want to hear if your going for easy.  This verse doesn't give way to easy but it is extremely validating, right?  We are not alone in the fiery trials of this life.  They are supper normal.  Accepting that can in and of itself relieve some serious stress.  It has for me.  So we know that trials are normal and that God's word has much to say about trials, how to handle them and their purpose in our lives.  I would like to just encourage you with a couple of truths on the matter. 
     As we have discovered in the last few days that waiting is not just holding out for relief from unresolved matters, it is a time of actively adhering and binding ourselves to Christ.  It is a time for intimacy and gentle help from God for our moment by moment life.  Waiting in and of itself can be the trial, as it is in our lives right now.  Or as I search the scriptures I find that in every trial there is an element of waiting.  The biblical waiting.  The active abiding in Christ.  It is possible to be tried and come out on the other end rejoicing to suffer with Christ!  Which is still a very new concept for me. 
     The books Isaiah and Lamentations have some pretty dark scenes.  Also woven through our are some bright nuggets of hope. A few that have to do with waiting in the trials are:
But those who wait (Bind together as in twisting) on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Is. 40:31
     A classic bumper sticker but such beautiful truth.  We need renewed strength daily!  For seasons of walking and seasons of running.  We get that renewal in binding ourselves to the Lord! 
The LORD is good to those who wait (bind together) on Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should hope and quietly wait (active waiting) for the salvation of the LORD. Lam. 3:25
     When God's word simply states something is "good," we will always benefit to pay attention.  In the midst of a trial that heats things up as fire does, it is "good" to bind ourselves to Christ. In Him, we will receive the peace and even joy to endure His style. My style involves lots of complaining and trying to figure it all our.  His style has a settle assurance that He is in control and that there is purpose in hard and terrible of this life. 
     There are so many deep truths in these verses I couldn't hope to unpack them all in just a few post. I pray reader you are build up to take one step at a time.  If you are in a season of fiery trial, you are not alone, there is relief in adhering and binding yourself to Christ.  It will always be in His intimate mercy that we find help in our times of need.  He stoops down to handle us gently. Leap into His embrace!  That will always look like spending time in the Bible, prayer and then being attentive to Him through out the very regular daily stuff we all have on our plate.  Press on and press in. 

24Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astounded and stood up in haste; he said to his high officials, “Was it not three men we cast bound into the midst of the fire?” They replied to the king, “Certainly, O king.”25He said, “Look! I see four men loosed and walking about in the midst of the fire without harm, and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods!”26Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the door of the furnace of blazing fire; he responded and said, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, come out, you servants of the Most High God, and come here!” Then Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego came out of the midst of the fire.27The satraps, the prefects, the governors and the king’s high officials gathered around and saw in regard to these men that the fire had no effect on the bodies of these men nor was the hair of their head singed, nor were their trousers damaged, nor had the smell of fire even come upon them. Daniel 3:24-27

WORRY & WAITING

     My natural state of mind when I am waiting on something is to worry.  To think about all the tiny details and "what if's" that go with them.  I have found in my abundant experience with anxiety that nothing paralyzes ones heart for trust like worry.  Corrie Ten Boom said, worry is like a rocking chair, you are always moving and never going anywhere.  So true.  In the last post I touched on Isaiah 30:18.  We found that God desire to adhere to us with His grace and mercy and we can adhere to Him in humility and meekness. Producing a life that pours out His love to others.  Today I want to talk about the benefits of not worrying.
     Worry and Joy will never keep company together.  We know what worry looks like but often I think there is confusion between joy and happiness.  I looked up "happy" in the dictionary and the first definition of it is, delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing.  What do we do when our particular things are not fun or good.  Its the bad, hard and ugly that God gives us the part of Himself that is joy.  Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of your life; the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be all right; and the determined choice to praise God in all things. 
     To settle in assurance of God being in control can be the tricky part.  I find it helps to know who it is that I am settling into.  Isaiah 30:18 paints such a beautiful picture of some of God's heart towards us. 

Therefore the LORD will wait that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all who wait for Him. 

Isaiah 30:18

     When I study God's word I love to look up the meaning of the words in the original language.  I am not highly educated so I don't like to assume that I know fully what a verse is saying with out doing my research.  I am going to lay out some definitions and then restate this verse. 

Wait: Adhere to, hence to await, long tarry

Gracious: bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior

Mercy: to fondle, love, have compassion

Fondle: to handle or touch lovingly, affectionately or tenderly, caress

Justice: verdict 

Blessed: happy 

     The Lord will adhere Himself to you that He may stoop in kindness to you the inferior, as a result He will be exalted, that He may lovingly and tenderly handle you. He is the God of the verdict; Happy are all who adhere themselves to Him. 

     I can settle into that!  The heart of God towards us is so gentle.  You maybe in a time of waiting and feeling like God is doing this "to you."  We see in Is. 30 that He is in fact having you wait "for you."  To those who are in Christ and waiting on Him for something.  Take heart, settle into Him and remember He is for you not against you.  Lets take this opportunity to practice joy in the waiting.

This is my latest Mother's day gift. It now joins me and Jesus in the mornings. 

Wait: Isaiah 30:18

Therefore the LORD will wait that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all who wait for Him. 

Isaiah 30:18

    This is a fun one!  Often when I am in the middle of something really tough I struggle with my perspective of God's character.  As if bad things happening in life change who He is and His love for me.  I know I am not alone in this struggle.  This is when it is crucial that we go to God's word and remind ourselves who He is because we know from scripture that there is no shadow of turning (James 1) with Him.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He is just, merciful and gracious even in our darkest times. 

     There is one aspect of God's character I want to point out in this scripture. His loyalty.  He never goes anywhere.  Even when we are in a great storm Christ is close at hand.  We are the ones that pull away and believe things about Him that are not true.  Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. James 4:8 NL 

     I am not saying there are not times when it seems God is quiet.  Those can be tough times.  We feel like we are coming close and don't walk away from our quiet time feeling like He came close to us.  Its a good thing we have scripture to remind us of the truth beyond our "feelings." 

    In Isaiah 30:18 we find the world wait twice.  In the Hebrew this word means: to adhere to.  We see in vs. 18 that God adheres to us for the purpose of grace and mercy toward us.  When we exalt Him in our lives we are putting ourselves under the flow of that grace and mercy.  Exalting ourselves and our wants and desires only every leaves us dehydrated.  Vs. 18 also tells us that blessed or happy are all who adhere to Him. 

     Back when we lived in San Diego before we had any kids, my parents were putting a pool in their back yard.  One of those rad one that are really small but have a current so you can swim forward and stay in the middle of the pool.  I was helping my mom with the underground piping.  As we connected the pipes that would one day have water flowing through them is was important that we used an adhesive that would keep them secured together. It was a two part adhesive. One wouldn't work with out the other but put them together and the bold was solid. Water could flow through the pipes with out leaking and causing a mess. 

     This scripture makes me think of this to part adhesive.  God adheres to us and we adhere to Him.  In so doing we exalt Him and He is gracious to us. When these to states of being are in proper order the result is a pouring out. We actually become a pipe line of God's love, grace and mercy to others.  God is loyal to wait on us with His half of the adhesive ready to go.  We have to humble ourselves and come close to Him with our half of the adhesive that we might connect and live a life of pouring out.  Often for me coming close or drawing near to God requires a humbling of myself.  Meekness towards the Lord as I accept the trials He has aloud.  Not acting like bad things are good and fun but submitting to God's sovereignty in them and that He has a purpose. Meekness and humility are the make up of our adhesive while grace and mercy make up God's.  What a beautiful bond. 

WAIT

     Paul and I are in a season of waiting right now.  I have wrestle much with the Lord over my desire to know His plan for our lives NOW!  I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to participate in any doing or undoing in my heart that He had planned for this time.  Since that is a rebellious attitude you can just guess how miserable I was.  In the past I viewed waiting as being displaced till God gave you what you wanted.  I would never have said that out loud but deep down that was my perspective.  God had gracious plans to undo that very wrong thinking!  So, I found that I don't wait well and I want to.  I began to study what it looks like to wait God's way.  I have been floored by the things God is teaching me. This human experience is so dynamic and multifaceted that I think it is safe to say that we are in one way or another waiting for something always.  If you are waiting on God for something I would be honored to pass on what He is showing me that you may be encouraged and strengthened in the wait.  I will have to write several post on the matter. A book could be and I am sure is written on this issue.  I am no book writer but here is what I have so far:

The Doing and Undoing in Waiting 

     Psalm 25:5.

"Lead me in Your truth and teach me, 

for You are the God of my salvation; 

on You I wait all the day long. " 

     The most prominent definition of wait that I found in the Old Testament was the Hebrew word Gavah (Kaw-vaw'). A primitive root; to bind together (perhaps by twisting), that is, collect; (figuratively) to expect:- gather (together), look, patiently, tarry, wait (for, on, upon). 

     To BIND TOGETHER!  What!?  How John 15 (abide in me and I in you) is that!  So to wait God's way is not a sitting on your hands miserably but it is the action of binding ourselves to Christ.  All day the day long!  When the Holy Spirit seals us and takes residency in us upon salvation that is totally the work of God.  As we walk out our salvation we called to certain spiritual disciplines.  Abiding in Christ being one of them.  An issue that is unresolved in our lives forces us to wait on the solution.  There are some life issues that we are completely out of control of such as health, salvation of loved ones, healing, some aspects of income, and so on.  We do have control over how we wait on those desirable things.  We can bind ourselves to Christ in the unknown or try to handle it on our own.  Binding ourselves to Christ in the times of unresolved issues, doesn't take away the hard, but even in the difficulty God has shown me that there can be an element of fun at times.  Trusting Him is always more fun that not. 

     That's it for today. There is so much more. Be encouraged reader. Today lets bind together with Christ.  That will look a little different for everyone but some basic in binding is to get the things out of the way that get in between us and Christ. That idea of "twisting" will come from time spent with Christ.