Victory is Sweet!

     In my last post I shared how God is bringing back to mind the importance of STAYING CALM.  I have had many opportunities to do this as all 3 of our crazies are off their rockers from the sickness we just experience.  We refer to the stomach flu as the "Death Plague." It is the sickness that we find to be the hardest on us as a family. 
     So the sweet victory is in this very classic story. 
I was giving our boys baths.  We like to keep them split up.  They get less water and their own space. We have found we are better parents for bath time at the end of the day if we set ourselves up for success by eliminating as much conflict as possible.  Baths.
I walk in to check on #2.
Me: How is it going buddy
#2: Mom can I have bubbles?
Me: No, not this time.
#2: ahhhhhhh (as I am walking out to go check on the other kid.)
     I am not joking 3 minutes later!  I walk into check on my #2 to find that he has dumped out all of my shampoo and body wash.  Two items he has never touched in our bath before.  The thought running through my mind is, "You have got to be kidding me!"  I wanted to scream at him.  I wanted to lay on him the weight of the situation.  "I can't just use any shampoo I have special shampoo for my skin issues.  It was only suave body wash ($1.97) but I was so thankful to have it and was using it one small pear of soap at a time.  I don't have a dime to go get more of these things.  I guess I am using dish soap to wash myself!!!"  All of which would have been incredibly inappropriate. He is 3. So what if I don't have money to buy soap in this season of our life.  What good would it do to lay that on him when all he is going to take from be flying off the handle is Mom is angry at me and I just wanted bubbles.
     What I did was calmly stand him up and pull him out of the bath.
I said, " #2 you just poured out all of Mommy's soap. I can not clean myself at my bath time with out that soap you just poured out. Was that a good choice or a bad choice."
#2: But I wanted bubbles.
Me: It was a bad choice, you may not make bubbles yourself after Mom says no. Your bath is over and you will have a long time out in your bed for disobeying me.
#2: Weeping and Whaling!
     He never even got it.  He was never sorry I didn't have soap!  Would that have been nice?  Yes. Does that happen sometimes?  Yes.  It is an unrealistic expectation for me to think that he would ever get the money issues (inappropriate to complain to him about that) and if we had the money it wouldn't have felt like such a big deal.  It was $8 lost on childishness and disobedience.
     I am telling you, after I put him in bed and went back to the bath to clean up I died laughing.  It really is funny!  As I laughed I got so excited! I did it!  I STAYED CALM!  It was the POWER OF CHRIST RISEN FROM THE DEAD keeping me calm.
I say this often when God helps me be a good mom.  I know myself and I have seen the ugliness of my heart (So has my family) and it is so exciting that the same power that raised Christ, parted the Red Sea and multiplied the loaves and fish is working in me to walk in the Spirit instead of my flesh!  I feel so privileged to be a child of God with that kind of power at my disposal.

Me and my #2

• As a side there was a bottle of T-Gel (my shampoo) randomly in the laundry room and my Mother in Love gave me some body wash. God provides :)

STAY CALM

Happy Thanksgiving!

I made this sugar free apple pie for Grandad. 

My girlie dressed up by Dad.

   Heads up I was really sick when I wrote this so its has even worse grammar than usual! 

     I had such a great blessing on this day of giving thanks.  Well 2.  I am so sick with the stomach flu I have only eaten ice chips all day.  Not as tasty as the deep fried turkey I have been looking forward to. My first blessing is that my man got my baby girl dressed and put her in a dress and tights.  I just love it.
     The other blessing was a 10 min. Talk with my Mom and Dad at the same time uninterrupted on their end or mine! Paul was already gone with the 3 and Mom and Dad were in the car traveling to family.
I love cell phones and speaker phone!
      I was so encouraged by my Parents.  I shared stories with them of some of the struggles we are facing with our #2.  We have been consistent with correction and discipline. The goal is to train up with out getting angry and emotional towards him and this is actually much more difficult that
I imagined before I had kids.  "I'll never yell at my kids unless it has to do with danger." Blhahahahahahahahahahaahhaha!  Oops!  Not a realistic expectation.  Because I am human.  Let me paint a picture of a typical day around here.  P.S. if you don't have a strong kid of your own yet you may not relate, I am trusting that if you do you can relate and this story may make you feel a bit better and laugh.
     In one hour of our day last week.   We were in the garage, #1 was ridding his bike in circles and #2 was pushing around a very large truck.  Something happened that #2 got angry hurled the truck across the garage right into #1.  I have never seen someone so small throw something so large and so far!  I chose this time to give a long time out 30 min. in his bed.  I let him know when his time was up and asked him to come down stars so that we could do business.  "Business" is when we talk out what happened and why its not going to work.  As #2 got 2 steps from the floor were baby sister was sitting.  With out a thought #2 leaps through the air and lands on #3.   I of course sent him straight back up stairs.

I may have shared the hard of this one but there is just as much sweet and delightful!

     I often feel out of control with this precious son of mine.  I want so badly to fix the crazy behavior but so much more importantly there are heart issues to consider and pain old childishness.  I don't have all the answer on raising such a strong individual but I am learning the importance of staying calm.  When I fly off the handle at him I just exacerbated the situation and justify and distract him form his behavior.   God of course is our greatest example to fallow as parents and He never freaks out on me.   He is so calm with me and still firm on the standard He has set.  Swift with consiquences but always kind.  I think the reason I feel so out of control at times with my #2 is that I don't really deep down want to TRUST God with his life.  Ouch! Hello, bottom line.  I would like it more if I could do A B and get C.  That is the sin in formula!  Not trusting God.  My desire is to calm down.  When I am in the thick of the stress and crazy to keep the standard clear carry out consequences with out emotion and continue to sew the truth of God's love for my boy in to his heart and thinking.  I can't control if he will ever choose to be a wise man or a fool.  I only have control, self-control me, supplied by my sweet Holy Spirit to be more like the parent God is to me.

right before the car throwing!

Look at the Birds

      Almost exactly 15 months ago our family started on a new path. We had been struggling much to make end meet in the world of construction which is Paul's life long trade. Through much toil and prayer Paul applied for the recruit class at our Fire dept. He was one of 3 chosen out of 30. His first class was Aug. 15th 2011, we will always remember that date for it is also our baby girl's birthday. Abigail was born some time in the afternoon and with the flu that had Paul in bed for 4 days previous, he guided me through labor held his baby girl, tried to stay at the hospital with me and I sent him away to his first class. Paul studied and learned how to be a fireman for 4 months. After that he took an EMT class and got his EMT. Another 4-5 month process. Our family got really good and working around his work and study schedule. Each accomplishment felt like the entire family's accomplishment.
     The entire year and a half we have also been on the edge of loosing our house and each month the body of Christ would give to us. Months in a row our entire rent was paid for us. The gifts were overwhelming. Upwards of $20,000 in the year and a half. All from people who don't necessarily have a lot of extra.
     Right as we were ready to pack up our house and go we don't know were God gave Paul  a full time job! He works at Mazak. Its factory work. We thank God everyday for the job and the steady income.
     Our Fire Dept. is creating a new list of eligibility for hire. The test is Nov. 29th. Paul is back in study mode.
     That is all the back round. Here is my heart struggle of today. I am battling with the lie that God is going to let us put all this effort into a future we truly desire just to let us fall on our faces and not get a job in fire. (ps. I have no concern about Paul's ability. He is a great fireman)
     I haven't slept in 2 nights and finally I realized. I'M ANXIOUS! Such an old familiar state of lacking faith. My God has proven Himself to me in countless ways and still I doubt Him as if we have not history together. I am so thankful for the grace I know He pours on me as I confess it.
     This is a pivotal time in our lives and I felt like there wasn't anything I could do to help as Paul is the one who has to study and test and hopefully interview. This morning God showed me that that isn't true I can budget my energy so that I'm not wasted when he gets home from his 9 hour 6 days a week job to hit the books. I can not use the TV as a tool during the day so that I have it in the evening when its helpful to have it quieter down stairs while he studies. And most importantly I can help my man by joining him in trusting that our God has a good plan for us. Weather we get this "dream" job or not God is not unaware of our goings on. God is attentive to my heart struggle and desire me to get it that He is trust worthy. Today has trouble of its own to be attended to...I can't live in fear of the tomorrows. Its exhausting!
     So today I am asking God to help me look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet my heavenly Father feeds them. I am more valuable than the birds. My Heavenly Father knows my needs and is calling me to seek first the kingdom of heaven! (Matt.6:26-34)

We got this book yesterday! Abi and I have looked at it
many times and now when I see these pictures of the birds it
reminds me that I don't need to worry. My Father will take
care of me. I am sure to look at it a few 100 times during this
next week! 

Family.

     The 3 and I made Thanksgiving cards for family. Got the cards for my side of the family in the mail and took the first half of Saturday to deliver cards to the O'Brien side. We met Uncle Adam at his work and went over to Ganny's after that. Adam asked if Troy wanted to hang out with him for a few hours....I might have been more excited than Troy! What a blessing FAMILY is! 

Love hot chocolate!

LISTEN UP!

     I have mentioned that I am reading a book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart." As I have implemented what I am learning I feel so humbled and blessed that God would get my attention about communicating better with my little crazies.
     This idea of not just having a monologue when there is correction to be given but drawing your kid out. Finding out what is going on in their little head and heart. This is a skill to be developed. It is one thing to sit down with an adult and ask them heart questions but entirely different with a 4 or 2 year old!  I have found myself needing to simplify and get to the point more quickly. Asking the right questions is critical. Instead of why did you hit your sister, asking, what were you feeling when you hit or what happened with your sitter that you got angry or what other way could you have responded when she did something to upset you? I am also encouraged to be more mindful of the position of their little hearts when there is conflict. Correction should not be my only form of communication with them. Encouragement, rebuke, entreaty, instruction and warning are just as valuable. Oh, it is sober, my need for wisdom with each conflict. I need wisdom just about every moment of the day in raising these Babies!
     As I have been asking more questions and throwing out correction less immediately I have noticed I don't know as much as I think i do. Several times this last week what I thought was happening wasn't happening at all!
     For example:
As we were getting ready to go a few days ago I asked Troy to put a show on for him and Bear so I could get ready and get Abigail ready with less chance of being interrupted by conflict. They watched a show, all was well, but as we got in the car Troy said, "Oh know Mom! I just watched TV but I lost screens for today. (A consequence he received the night before.) I was so blessed by his integrity which was the opposite of the lying issue we are working on that I chose to reward him with a spider man pen. (We have a stash of toys mainly for rewards at the end of the week of chores). He was so excited! Bear on the other hand started bawling. First I assumed he was just jealous which be probably was. I explained we are working on not lying with troy and working on not hitting when angry with him and that there will be times one gets rewarded and not the other. All great things to stay to a 4-5 year old and all went straight over my little Bear's head. We were getting no were as I was telling Bear what he was thinking and what was wrong with it. After many questions  and actually listening to him I found out,  yes of course he wanted a pen too but the bottom line issue was that he was so sad that Troy didn't get to watch TV all day because he wanted to snuggle on the couch with him during our evening TV time! What! So my assumption was sooooooooooooooo off! And a negative one when the reality was so endearing and wonderful.
      As a side note we were on our way to work in the nursery for Woman's study at our church and while there another kid did something that made Bear mad and he chose not to pummel the kid. Bear was so was excited about his victory! I got to reward him with a pen too when we got home.
     So new goal: strike a better balance of listening and creating conversation with  correction.

Desiring to do the everyday better

OH HOLY PARENTING!

     It cracks me up that I was so refreshed and just loving being a parent on Sunday and here I am at the end of Tuesday having  been through a world of emotion in complete relation to parenting.  I mentioned before that we are seeing a new level of rebellion in our home with every child. As I have sought God for wisdom He showed me something new. My 3 may not choose to submit or our authority or God's. It was a totally new thought for me. Even if I did everything right (which doesn't and wont be happening, as I am a sinner) my kids are not a blank canvas to paint what ever I please. They are individuals that God has entrusted to me for a short time to care for and train in righteousness. Though they are trained with all the diligence God is giving us they have to choose it. Each one Troy, Bear and Abigail will and do each day choose for themselves to obey or disobey. This new perspective was lighter and heavier. Lighter because if I obey God in my training I can trust and rest that the outcome is between Him and each kid. That would be the best place to stay in my thinking. The part I am struggling with is the reality that I could make this huge investment and they still have their own free will to reject the investment and Christ. AHHHH! I can't apply a formula to my kids and get what I want! I am not discounting the scripture that says train up a child in the way they should go and when they have grown they will not depart from it. I have seen fruit of our training and discipline. My realization has more to do with the fact that I am not painting on blank canvases and I can sin in my formulas all I want but it won't produce my desired out come. There is such freedom in no longer thinking that if I do A and B I will get C. I do A and B because I am commanded to and C is in God's hands!

     And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men. Col. 3:23

     We are cracking down on the first time obedience in our home and man its tough all around. I know its worth it and there has been much fruit in just 2 days with the renewed focus. Just tonight we sat at the table, Paul, Troy and I and discussed some big issues, some good some not good. As Troy went back to his bed were he has been for the evening and Paul went off to shower I laid my head down and cried. Cried because is was a crazy day with rebellion and consequences, cried because I have some new areas I need to trust God on with our finances, cried because circumstances were stressful all day (locking my keys in the car when voting) cried because I love my Troy so deeply and he is feeling the sting of making bad choices. This life is so full, so hard at moments and equally wonderful sometimes all in the same moment. I treasure these little years.  I also look forward to 7pm. when they all go to bed and I get Paul all to myself.

Of course God new we would be in the Sermon on the Mount in
devotions with the kids.
Such a good reminder that He takes such good care of the flowers
and birds and will take good care of me too. 

TALK IT OUT

     During our 3's nap time on Sunday, Paul and I had a talk...we don't have a label for it but it was like a family business meeting. We just pray, and talk. We talk about everything there isn't time to talk about  in the week when he feels like he is going to pass out the moment he gets home. Finances, training our kids, schedule and so on. This was or first time having one of these talks on purpose. They were happening on date nights. 
     The last few dates Paul and I have been on have kind of gotten high jacked by me sharing a problem in the family goings on and Paul giving solutions and suggestions on how to handle it. I walk away from the date thinking, "Man! What a great Date." Last date Paul said, "I don't mind talking about these things but it would be nice to just have fun on our dates since we don't get very many." Oh right! Good idea...keep investment in our marriage top priority! I am all for that! So we are now going to try and have family business talks once a month and not on dates. The best part for me with these talks is they pull my perspective back. Its easy to get zoned in on all the little things in my mom/homemaker job and its good to remember the big picture. 

     I have been reading "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. So many people have recommended it over the years and we are experiencing a new level of rebellion in our home so I finally got  a hold of a copy. It has been so encouraging. The truth's in the book are so basic and articulated so well. It has been good to read a few pages in the morning before our 3 wake an then have a more focused heart on living it out. You can know how you should parent all day long and that knowledge is not going to make it happen in the nitty gritty of the high stress moments. I read a few pages and ask the Lord to empower me.
     This was so good i just had to pass it on.
     "Recognizing that God has called you to function as His agent defines your task as a parent. Our culture has reduced parenting to providing care. Parents often see the task in these narrow terms. The child must have food, clothes, a bed, and some quality time. 
      In sharp contrast to such a weak view, God has called you to a more profound task than being only a care-provider. You shepherd your child in God's behalf. The task God has given you is not one that can be conveniently scheduled. It is a pervasive task. Training a shepherding are going on whenever you are with your children. Whether waking, walking talking or resting, you must be involved in helping your child to understand life, himself, and his needs from a biblical perspective (Deut. 6:6-7)."

     I love being a parent. Just love it. Bottom line is this, we as parents have the job of showing our kids who God is. This is a huge thought I take soberly. I am so thankful for my 3 crazies. I am even more thankful to be raising and training them with my Husband. 

Dater Weekend!

Bear in his car seat holding tight to the Starbucks card.

     This was such a great weekend! Paul decided not to go to small group Friday night because he was on the edge of burn out physically. I know that if i went with out him he would lay half awake waiting for me to get home so I decided to stay home too. We hate to miss it but you just have to choose rest sometimes. Paul worked his 5 usual hours on Saturday but then he didn't run a shift on Sunday night so we almost had a whole weekend together!

     The second half of Saturday Paul and Troy took off just the two of them to Toy's R US to shop for Christmas for Bear. Paul said it was so interesting watching the struggle Troy went through over wanting to pick something he knew Bear would like but not making sure he would like to "share" it with him too. In the end Troy made a great choice and Paul had a good time of training the heart. 

     Church was all about the sovereignty of God in general and in light of the election coming. Also our Pastor urged everyone to VOTE. Don't sit back and say I don't like either choice and not be salt and light. Decide which one comes closet to lining up with God's word and and VOTE for him. Then wake up Wednesday morning and rejoice because God IS IN CONTROL of governments! I wanted to come out of my seat as if i was at a foot ball game! There are often times in Church or when someone is speaking the truth well that I have to use serious self-control to stay in my seat!
You can hear the message at graceky.org. 

     During nap time on Sunday Paul and I had a great talk (will post a something separate on that). Once Bear woke we all Syped with Mamo and Uncle Lucas and then is was Date time. It was mine a Bear's turn to go on a date. Paul took Bear aside and gave him the Starbucks gift card and asked him to take me out on a date (Great idea we got from some friends). I don't know what else he told Bear they were talking for a while about it. So cute.
     Off we went. Bear didn't know that we were also going to Toy's R Us to shop for Troy. When we got to Starbucks Bear opened my door and ordered my drink and payed for it. He got an apple juice and asked the gal to write his name on it. The name on your drink in my boy's favorite part. We sat at Bear's choice of a table and talked a little. Once we got my drink and took a few pictures Bear said, "OK lets go now." 3 minutes! Great DATE! Toy's R US is across the street so as we drove out Bear said, "Mom I found Toy's R US! Lets go there!" I got to say yes! As we got out of the car Bear let me know that he had the great idea to go to Toy's R US and I had the great idea to shop while we were there. I love him!
It was such a refreshing weekend for us.

Big man ordering. 

Notice the Name! 

"hmmmm....try again Bear"

"Oh well...good job buddy"

     

HIRING

     Nothing deep just an O'Brien news update! Our Fire Dept. were Paul has done all his volunteering is staring their hiring process. Its quite the process with testing an multiple interviews if you make it through everything. Today Paul is turning in his application. November 29th is the general aptitude test (7pm.). Paul already has certification for the physical test so he wont need to take that. We are praying for favor and steadiness of heart as this is what we have been working so hard towards but our hope is in Christ not the "perfect" job. 

     With Halloween I didn't tell the boys when it was until the day before. Troy screamed and said, "And we don't even have to wait along time!" I feel like God just did the same with me. He knew the whole time when Florence would start their process but He didn't tell us. We got to be thankful for the today and not be thankful just cause we were getting what we wanted. Income of any sort of course is what we wanted but our ultimate desire would be to have income and Paul enjoy what he is doing. So going from waiting in the unknown time frame of our current season to having a date of Nov.29th as the start of a possible season change for us is pretty exciting! YAY!
   
ps. I told the boy's about the hiring process and over heard this conversation when I left the room.

Troy: Bear! Today is the day! Dad is going to ask the fire dept. if he can be a fireman all the time! He    has take a test and they will tell him yes or no!

Bear: Yes! That is so exciting!

Troy: So we have to pray that Dad gets to be a fireman all the time....Ok?

Bear: I want to build a fort.

Troy: Ok get your blanket.

SAD OR TREAT!

   
     Our boy's were invited by their grandparent's to go to a festival for Halloween. The festival started around bed time so there was no way Abigail and I could join. Girl loves her sleep. For a few weeks I had been envisioning trick or treating with my 3...boy's would be firemen, Abi a rescue dalmatian puppy and i would figure some sort of house on fire outfit for myself and of course make the stroller into a fire truck! I had a choice to make. I decided to tell the boy's what a festival was and ask which one they would like to go to. Hands down go with Granny and Grand Dad. "Even though Mommy won't be with you?" "Oh, we can handle it Mom," Say's my almost 5 but still in my eyes Baby Troy. I made the plans. It all worked out great Paul's brother came over for dinner and we got to catch up, Abigail was a complete nut enjoying the attention of 3 adults to her one tiny self.
    I just have to say something different happened in my heart once the boy's were loaded up and drove away. I needed to take our dog out and as I walked the yard in the cold rain I began to cry. I was so pleased that they were off to have fun and I would much rather have dinner with Adam and Paul but there was this pain of "missing it." Missing a first in there little lives as they hadn't been to a festival before. So I called my Mom and cried and laughed at myself crying. She was very comforting. Duke and I came back in and had a wonderful evening with the grown ups.
     It was such a blessing to send them off to a great night that didn't involve any work on my part and to have an easier load at home with only one kid. It was also so hard to send them off with out me. This was a Festival for 3 hours! Don't even talk to me about dating or college or a mission trip! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
 The one thing I come away from my emotional roller coaster of that night is, man I am so blessed. I love these 3 crazies so deeply. There are going to be so many more first's in there lives that Mommy is not going to be apart of and shouldn't be apart of. This just reminds me to make sure that in the little year when our 3 require so much of me that I keep my man my first priority. My husband is the one that I am one flesh with. One day the babies with grow and go their separate ways and Paul and I will remain. I want to make sure that no matter how much being Mommy requires of me that I guard having enough set aside to pour into my marriage.

 

Little Change UP

     I have been praying about the focus of this blog and decided to change the title. From Struggle Well to ABIDE REMAIN STAY. I still love the idea of struggling well but it was a little more "me" focused than I want to be. Jesus says in John 15 apart from Him we can do/are nothing. I have found as I endeavor to Abide in Christ I learn so much each day. Life can super hard but I want to focus more on how Christ has given us a home and refuge in Him, lets abide remain and stay in Him through the storms and blessings of this life.